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By: Lauren F. Shaman, M.Ed The school year is coming to an end and students are gearing up for summer camps, vacations, playing outside, and hanging out with friends by the pool. With the summer break from school, some students may have difficulty retaining all the important knowledge they learned over the school year. Continuing to learn can keep these skills fresh and help our students jump into the next grade with less time needed for review. Many students are able to catch up quickly when they return to the school routine. However, many neurodivergent students may have more difficulty remembering the information learned and recouping those skills when they return in the fall. So, what can you do to help prevent the summer slide? Keep your children learning all summer long. But not to worry, this does not mean year-round school! Instead, provide real life opportunities to continue practicing their knowledge while still having fun all summer long. Here are some ways to keep your child actively learning: Baking Have your children join you in baking to continue to use math skills like measurement and fractions, and maybe even science. Convert ounces to pounds or try to double a cookie recipe by multiplying fractions and decimals. Shopping At the grocery store, children can weigh produce, calculate bulk items and determine if it’s a good deal. Percentages are always helpful in shopping in the sale section and money is a critical skill as well. Audio Books Get lost in a good book while on a long road trip. Reading Create time in the day for quiet reading or even read a book aloud together. You can create your very own book club and discuss it together. Reading helps retain and build new vocabulary as well. Outdoors Explore the garden for different plants and insects and record what they find. Set up a butterfly garden to watch the life cycle in real time. Educational Places Beat the heat by checking out a fun museum and learning new cool facts about dinosaurs, magnets, and other areas of interest. Writing Send emails to friends or family members to share about their summer adventures or even a fun postcard from a vacation spot. Games Play word games like Scrabble or Bananagrams. You can also play Memory, complete jigsaw puzzles, Soduko, or create a Lego masterpiece following the step-by-step directions in the set. These are some ideas to keep your kids actively learning all summer, engaging with real word scenarios and still having fun!

By: Alana Tristan, LPC Parents are often told to praise their kids when something good happens, but what exactly does that look like? Statements such as, “good job!” or “I’m proud of you!” are common ones we hear and say. However, it is important to note that exploring more than just “good job, buddy” with your child not only supports their development, but also fosters a healthier parent-child relationship. You might ask: how do we explore more? As a therapist who works with parents and children, I encourage you to utilize one or more of the following steps: Observe and Describe What You See Offering an evaluation-free statement will let your child know that you notice them. Examples: •           “You remembered to put your clothes away.” •           “I noticed how patiently you waited.” •           “Wow! Look at how carefully you organized your room.” Ask Questions to Encourage and Facilitate Self-Reflection This allows children to develop their own perspective of their accomplishments. Examples: •           “What was the hardest and easiest part for you?” •           “What would you do differently?” •           “How did you feel when _______?” Highlight the Process When Giving Compliments Everyone progresses differently. The process is where we learn. Therefore, highlighting effort will boost your child’s self-esteem and create motivation to continue what works for them. Examples: •           “I admire that you kept trying on your homework even when it was tough.” •           “You finished your project! Your hard work really shows!” Be Specific in Your Compliment It is valuable for your child to understand why they are being praised. Examples: •           “You cleaned your room by yourself!” •           “You paused and practiced your breathing when you felt overwhelmed.” Appreciate Positive Behaviors Gratitude is a great way to acknowledge that you see and hear your child. Examples: •           “Thank you for cleaning your room.” •           “I appreciate you for giving it a try.” •           “Thank you for staying focused and completing the assignment.” From my experience working with children, they appreciate and grow when their accomplishments are praised. Acknowledging their wins (big or small) can make an impact on their development, behavior, and create a more positive parent-child relationship. Remember, consistency is key when implementing positive encouragement. What step interests you the most to try?

By: Jack Wang, LPC-A Your child’s grades are suffering, they don’t have friends outside of school, and they are always irritable at home! But they say they’re “fine” and that you should just leave them alone. What’s going on? This is a scenario that plays out in many homes and is something I see often in my practice. Video games may become one of the only things a child wants to do, which tempts parents to try to find ways to stop it altogether. It makes sense to think your child would be much more productive without video games and that they are wasting their potential by playing endless hours of gaming. Maybe you feel that outside of playing video games, your child doesn’t seem to be particularly happy in life. You might wonder if even video games make them happy? The answer is usually no, as hyper-focused gamers are usually not happy. Your child may deny it in front of you, but often, real life is dissatisfying to them in one way or another, and their solution to dealing with those feelings is to try to dismiss them completely or convince themselves it’s not worth the trouble to think about them. They also may feel too ashamed, fearful of consequences, or confused about exactly what’s wrong to talk to you about it. If we want to help them, we must start with understanding the role gaming plays in their sense of self. Please note, there are many ways to help you limit or restrict your child’s gaming. This blog is not going to address those methods. I want to present some of the psychological issues I see so that you might be able to understand more about what’s happening on the inside for a child or teen who is overusing technology. Video Games Can Become the Primary Source of a Child’s “Needs Fulfillment.” In real life, they may be embarrassed by their emerging identity or body, or they may struggle socially. Video games may fulfill some of your child’s needs, thus becoming coping mechanisms for life’s difficulties. Interestingly, video games may not even do a good job at fulfilling those needs, but if it is the best option they have, then they’ll take it. Gaming allows your child to customize an experience tailored to what they desire. This may happen when they develop proficiency in a skill, feel esteemed in a group setting. They may play games simply because nothing else in life excites them. Before taking video games away, consider the needs your child is having fulfilled by the video game. Maybe socializing on the internet playing video games is one of only places your child feels confident socializing. What if socializing through gaming is the only socializing, they feel comfortable with? Maybe they’ve built an identity online that makes them feel happy, instead of real life where they dislike who they are. For example, do people rely on them in the game? Your child might play an important part in a video game that requires a coordinated group of people. If you are surprised by the harsh and huge temper your child has when you stop them from playing games, it is probably because these games aren’t just games to them. On Electronics Restrictions You may be attracted to completely restricting your child’s electronics to help promote a healthier relationship with gaming. Beware that this can backfire, so you have to tread lightly at first and create a partnership. Ideally, as you address the issue of overuse with the concept of balance, your child will learn to respect the agreed upon amount of time allocated for electronic usage and understand that it’s a privilege. Complete restriction of gaming can backfire because this often leads to a parent vs. child dynamic where you must become an enforcer, and the child becomes something to be controlled. This dynamic negatively affects the relationship between parents and children, and it can lead to a war mentality in which you keep increasing security and restricting electronics while the child’s deceptions become greater and greater. Additionally, the parent's goal is to prepare the child for adulthood, and trying to be the sole enforcer of restrictions takes away an excellent opportunity for your child to regulate and manage themselves. To achieve any form of sustained sobriety, the child must want to change as well. This is the tricky part because, at first, they won’t want to. That’s why working together to create a better balance of enjoyable activities can be helpful. What can parents do? It begins with understanding the child. By getting this far into the article, you hopefully have a better grasp of why gaming is so attractive to them and how much of their current identity is based on it. The next step is having an open conversation with your child. 5 Approaches Parents Can Try with Their Children About Overuse of Video Games Form an alliance. Let them know you hear them and are on the same team with them. If you try to ask about your child’s gaming issue with an antagonistic attitude, they will likely deny they have a problem. If your child admits they are unhappy and that gaming is part of the equation, then they might fear telling you because it might give you ammunition and even more reason to take video games away from them. Approach them in a non-judgmental manner.  I recommend assuring them you won’t take away their games altogether. You want to understand what is going on. “What is it about games that you like?” Ask things with the goal of figuring out together which needs are not being fulfilled and work together to figure out what can be done to help the child meet those needs. Some kids genuinely struggle with figuring out what’s wrong and need extra investigation to deduce the problem. Use words that help them feel heard.  For example, “It sounds like you are a leader in that game, and others rely on you.” Or “I can see why showing up for that game is important because your friends are counting on you.” Model the behavior you want to see in your child, and you may be surprised to that they eventually want to make you feel heard and seen one day! Besides tackling the overuse of electronics directly, look at big-picture issues. Maybe there is a large external factor affecting your child. For example, maybe an academically intensive school is not the right fit for your child and switching schools would help tremendously with their stress and anxiety. Think outside the box. If your child still refuses to talk to you about their issues, then think about what’s not working? Have you become a broken record? Let’s say you have some good practical advice that your child hears a lot from you. Maybe they’ve developed a habit of tuning you out when you mention that advice. If so, it probably won’t be helpful. Instead, try listening to their thoughts and suggestions to gain an understanding of what approach might work. If they are not ready to make changes, then you might have to set some limits or require them to participate in other activities. When you can move forward in partnership, though, it always works better. Sometimes having a therapist involved can help. A therapist’s job is to be non-judgmental and understanding, form an alliance with the child, and make them feel heard and seen. Getting your child to a therapist could be the right call if you feel a third-party would be helpful. The child’s issues might be about something they are not comfortable sharing with you. As a therapist, I often hear from parents that their child(ren) used to be happier, they used to keep up with responsibilities more, and their relationship with them used to be much better. And then life threw something at the child that they have trouble dealing with. Often that something is part of the natural developmental process like puberty or onset of adolescence. Gaming can serve as a way for them to battle insecurities, but clearly, overindulgence in gaming can negatively affect them. Video game/electronics addiction is a difficult beast to tame, and you are not alone in dealing with your child’s struggles with gaming. I hope these tips and words of encouragement will help your child attain a life balance that brings them satisfaction and fulfillment outside of gaming. I wish you all the best! Good luck out there! Jack is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate, supervised by Stefanie C. Barthmare, LPC-S.

By: Jenna Cook, M.Ed., NCC, LPC In today’s highly competitive academic world, striving for excellence is encouraged and rewarded. Students as early as elementary school face pressure to achieve the best of the best in terms of grades and academic achievement to boost their college applications. While the pursuit of perfection is admirable and will land a small percentage of students in the top, it often comes at a price and can be counterproductive to performance, especially when it begins to disrupt sleep, focus, self-esteem, and overall mental health. In my work with students in highly competitive public and independent school environments, I’ve found the following points to be helpful in drawing the important distinction between healthy commitment to greatness and counterproductive, harmful perfectionism. Here are some reminders to give yourself, your student, or your child/teen in the face of academic pressure and perfectionism: Validate the Importance of School School weighs so heavily and activates so much worry and panic because academics are important to you, your family, your community, and your future. It is okay to care and to care deeply. Validate yourself, your student, or your classmates by offering verbal reminders: o    “I know this feels so stressful because it matters to you.” o    “I hear you when you say how stressed you are. You’re doing so much.” o    “You’re working so hard. I just want you to know I see you and support you.” o    “Give yourself some credit and some grace here, man.” Prioritize Health It likely feels as if you cannot spare a single second or brain cell for anything other than studying or life’s other important tasks. Yet, consider the question: What good are perfect grades if I’m not okay enough to reap the benefits of them? Also, if we are not okay physically or emotionally, we are likely unable to focus or perform our best. Do your best to reallocate your energy to leave at a little in the tank for: Sufficient sleep Nutrition—Ideally 3 meals per day Connection to family and/or friends Physical activity Some form of emotional processing like journaling, talking with a loved one, or a therapy session Screen-free downtime Reevaluate What “Success” Means to You Check in with yourself or have open discussion with your loved ones about what “success” means to you. This might prompt you to redistribute your time/energy and reframe your thoughts. Consider ALL the components that could constitute a successful or meaningful life, such as: Education for knowledge’s sake Prestige and accomplishment Financial stability Physical health and wellness Spirituality Mental healthiness and resilience Connection and relationships Charity, volunteering, and generosity Passions Hobbies, interest, and enjoyment Commit to being a HEALTHY “Perfectionist” Most “perfectionists” wear the badge proudly and will not relent in their pursuit. If, after reflecting on all these factors, you or your student would like to continue chasing excellence, consider what it will take to do so in a way that is sustainable and conducive to a physically, emotionally, and relationally healthy life. A healthy perfectionist…

By: Kristine Habibi, M.S., LPC If you find yourself wondering, “What is Therapy?,” “Why is everyone in Therapy these days?,” and “Do I need it too?” then, this article is for you! Taking that first step and setting up an appointment is the most difficult part of the entire process for many, so keep reading for a better understanding of this amazing thing called “Therapy”! Therapy, also known as counseling or psychotherapy, is a professional service provided by trained therapists or counselors to help individuals, couples, families, or groups address and overcome various mental, emotional, and behavioral challenges. Therapy aims to improve overall well-being, enhance coping skills, and promote personal growth. Therapy typically involves a therapeutic relationship between the client and the therapist, where the client can openly express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns in a safe and confidential environment. The therapist uses their expertise to provide guidance, support, and evidence-based interventions tailored to the individual's specific needs. To start getting therapy, you can follow these 4 steps: Research and Find a Therapist Look for therapists in your area or consider online therapy platforms. Read reviews, check their qualifications, and ensure they specialize in the areas you need help with. Contact the Therapist Reach out to the therapist through their website or contact information to schedule an initial consultation or appointment. You can ask any questions you have during this process. Initial Consultation The therapist will typically have an initial consultation to discuss your concerns, goals, and determine if they are the right fit for you. This is also an opportunity for you to assess if you feel comfortable and connected with the therapist. Begin Therapy Sessions If you decide to proceed, you can schedule regular therapy sessions with the therapist. The frequency and duration of sessions will depend on your needs and the therapist's recommendation. Reasons people go to therapy can vary, but common ones include: Mental Health Issues Therapy can help with conditions like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Relationship Problems Therapy can assist individuals and couples in improving communication, resolving conflicts, and strengthening their relationships. Life Transitions Therapy can provide support during major life changes such as divorce, loss of a loved one, career transitions, or relocation. Stress and Burnout Therapy can help individuals manage stress, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and prevent burnout. Self-exploration and Personal Growth Therapy can be beneficial for those seeking self-improvement, personal development, and a better understanding of themselves. Determining if you need therapy can be subjective, but here are some signs that therapy might be helpful: Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or hopelessness. Difficulty coping with daily life or functioning. Relationship problems and conflicts that persist. Traumatic experiences or unresolved past issues. Significant changes in appetite, sleep patterns, or energy levels. Substance abuse or addictive behaviors. Thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Many people think that something has to be “wrong” with them to begin the therapeutic process when, in reality, we can all benefit from therapy at some point in our lives. Even therapists benefit from therapy!

By: Patricia Hamilton, MS, LMFT Anxiety disorders have increased dramatically in recent decades in people of all ages. Why? Some say it is technology, the internet, smartphones, and the overuse of screens. Some fault the economy, climate change, COVID, polarization of politics, globalism, terrorism, crime, or 24-hour news. The list goes on and on.  However, all that said, advances in technology, medicine, science, education, and human rights have promoted the most well-educated, prolific, and advanced cohort in human history.  So, maybe the reason is more subtle? One possibility is the dramatic cultural shift in the parent/child hierarchy of the family. In the 50s, and perhaps well into the 70s and 80s, the standard parent/child hierarchy of the family system went something like this. The parents were the "centerpiece" of the family unit and held all the authority.  The children were "satellites," revolving around the order and priorities of the adults. Even when both parents worked outside of the home, there were no apologies for less time spent with the children; rather, those kids usually had more responsibilities and were relied upon to help their parents and siblings manage life at home. In those days, children seemed to have more downtime and were not so oversubscribed.  Childhood was more about unstructured play, roaming the neighborhood, and getting to school, practice, or a friend's house on their own. Kids walked and rode their bikes and spent considerable time outside. There were no cell phones or GPS, so parents and kids got very used to being out of touch with each other for long stretches of time, on a daily basis. Through lived experience, both parents and children learned to trust themselves and each other; kids learned to rely on themselves, make age-appropriate decisions, problem-solve, manage conflict with their friends, and create their own fun.  They were not watching TV or playing video games for entertainment, nor were they under constant adult supervision. Generally speaking, adults manned the adult hierarchy, mostly unchallenged by their minor children, and children remained in the child hierarchy, respecting the boundaries and authority of adults, both at home and school. Today, the family hierarchy is inverted. Children are the "centerpiece" of the family unit, and parents are the satellites.  Around the clock, parents are in service to their children's endless needs and advancement. Order, priorities, and much of the authority in the family are shared with the minor members of the household. Most things are negotiable. “No” means “maybe” much of the time. In addition, children have never been so over-subscribed. Most families start their day well before 6 am, and children are scheduled from morning until night with school, lessons, play dates, practices, games, clubs, and enrichment activities. Most "play" is structured and supervised. Schools provide after-hours programs for children of working parents. Adults are always watching and waiting to mediate every argument and solve every problem. When an adult isn't available, children are tracked in real-time by their smartwatches, smartphones, or apps like Life 360. Kids track parents. Parents track kids. Nothing is left to chance. Sadly, trust and a deep sense of safety aren't found in the data we collect in real-time; it is developed over a lifetime of trial and error and lived experience. With the abundance of information, care, planning, and oversight, why the growing levels of anxiety? We are all buckled in, vacuum packed, safety sealed, and password protected. Yet, parents and children are uneasy.  Are people truly more vulnerable and less street-smart than in generations past? Instead of feeling more comfortable, confident, and relaxed, people of all ages report feeling more nervous, hypervigilant, exhausted, and more anxious than ever before. Perfectionism and OCD are skyrocketing. Delayed gratification, conflict resolution, and self-regulation are being taught to children rather than developing naturally. Sixteen-year-olds don't seem to be eager to drive, preferring parents or an Uber to get them to the day's plethora of lessons and activities. Adulting therapy is a growing industry as more and more young adults remain living with their parents well into their 20s. Today, children are more demonstrative and directive within the family system, with a strong foothold in the adult hierarchy. However, unlike their parents, they are not particularly in service to the family or responsible for the decisions they influence. This causes stress, high conflict, and a breakdown of the family system. Fear and anxiety go up as the adult hierarchy gets very crowded with both parents and children. It is a simple idea, but perhaps it takes a whole lot of time, experience, and maturity to be the "centerpiece" of a family. Maybe children are not developmentally ready for the burdens that come with being a decision-maker and influencer. Perhaps it is a very necessary part of childhood development to be a "satellite," slowly growing with age and experience in preparation for the challenges of caring and being responsible for those we love. Children who remain in the child hierarchy, absent the burdens of authority and responsibility, have the time and opportunity to "practice" being independent, make tons of age-appropriate decisions, and learn from their mistakes as well as their successes. Most importantly, they learn delayed gratification, build agency, develop internal motivation, determination, and grit. These are things parents can't give their children. These are learned through experience, trial and error, and effort. Kids need to demonstrate responsible behavior and be rewarded; they need to earn their stripes before wearing them. Of course, they can't learn any of these things if parents are unwilling to remove the bubble wrap that protects them from the possibility of disappointment, mistakes, or despair. There is nothing more difficult or as loving as parents willing to tolerate their own fears to allow their child to grow. Training wheels are meant to be temporary and used only as needed. The goal is to take them off. Preparation, practice, and experience, regardless of the era, have always worked out very well. Science teaches us that the prefrontal cortex of the human brain is not fully developed until the early 20s. Adolescence is uniquely designed to last about 10+ years while the body and brain are preparing for adulthood.  Family life will never function as it did generations ago, nor should that be the goal, given today's culture of technology and global influences. But history does provide a few good clues about what to retain from the past when progress takes us so quickly into the future. Albert Einstein said, "Information is not knowledge. The only source of knowledge is experience. You need experience to gain wisdom." Perhaps we adults shouldn't bubble wrap our children and prevent them from getting a few skinned knees. Perhaps there should be less tracking and more opportunities to develop, practice independence, and earn trust. Perhaps children need more responsibility at home, in service to the family and the greater good. Perhaps parents and children need to calm down, take their time, and spend more of it together. To be the "centerpiece" of the family, you need wisdom. Wisdom is won through experience. Experience takes time and a willingness to accept challenges as a normal part of life. The antidote to anxiety is found in the here and now.

By: Lauren F. Shaman, M.Ed. We have more than 50 hormones in our bodies and that’s just the ones scientists know about. Reproductive hormones like estrogen and progesterone, however, have been found to affect the way ADHD symptoms present in females throughout the cycles of life. The research is new as women were previously left out of studies on ADHD due to these hormonal fluctuations. Estrogen increases neurotransmitters that improve mood and memory, brain plasticity, and protects and regulates our brains. During high estrogen times, ADHDers may have increased focus. On the flip side, for the ADHD brain that is already low on dopamine, the times when estrogen decreases can increase fatigue, irritability, sadness, brain fog, and inattention creating what Dr. Sandra Kooij refers to as “twice nothing.”  These low estrogen times occur during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle, the first trimester of pregnancy, after childbirth, perimenopause, and menopause. Progesterone triggers the release of GABA, which calms everything down. However, according to Adulting with ADHD, “because progesterone decreases the production of the neurotransmitters that alleviate ADHD symptoms, most women notice a worsening in their ADHD symptoms” as it increases. Progesterone often negates estrogen’s positive emotional and cognitive effects making ADHD symptoms harder to manage. How Balance ADHD and Our Hormones So, what can we do during these “twice nothing” times? There is value in knowing what to expect, why it’s happening, what questions to ask health care providers, and that you are not alone. Self-care and self-compassion are vital. Making sure your regulatory system is fully charged is critical for ADHDers to be able to manage symptoms more effectively.  Our regulatory tank drains and fills daily based on our actions and allows us to manage our energy and find the middle ground, which can be difficult for the ADHD brain. Sleep, Nutrition, Exercise, Medication, Meditation, and Connection are all ways to fill our battery. Implementing practical strategies like external systems, supports, and skills as well as emotional interventions to manage the big feelings are all ways to manage the low estrogen times. Reach out to us at The Conative Group to work with a coach or therapist to increase self-awareness and self-compassion, create systems and strategies to achieve your goals, and learn more about the ADHD brain and how it presents itself for you. Resources Caldwell, M. (2023, August 15). Hormones and ADHD: The missing key. ADDept. https://www.addept.org/living-with-adult-add-adhd/homones-and-adhd Dorani, F., Bijlenga, D., Beekman, A. T. F., van Someren, E. J. W., & Kooij, J. J. S. (2021). Prevalence of hormone-related mood disorder symptoms in women with ADHD. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 133, 10–15. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2020.12.005 Sarah. (2023, April 3). How progesterone and ADHD are linked. Adulting With ADHD. https://adultingwithadhd.com/how-progesterone-and-adhd-are-linked/

By: Alana Tristan, LPC-A Have you ever thought, “I feel this way and I’m not even sure why.” This is a common statement I hear from clients of all ages. Once you understand that our emotions are the messenger between the body and mind, and our behavior is usually a natural by-product, you can find clues about what you feel. So, how do we figure out what an emotion or our behavior is trying to convey? Say hello to self-awareness. You know, the reflective mirror that gives us “ah-ha” moments in life. So What Exactly is Self-Awareness and Why Is It Important? Self-awareness is defined as the conscious knowledge of our thoughts, feelings, motives, and behavior. It is what gives light into who we are and why we do the things we do – and is a major key to successful therapy! It can be uncomfortable when others point out behavioral patterns that need to change. Let’s face it, it can be difficult to face ourselves sometimes. The good news is that self-awareness allows you to take control of your own choices so that you can bring the change you want for yourself. Without self-awareness, it can be easy to have the mindset that life happens to us instead of making new choices that can create a better outcome. In addition, anxiety, confusion, and resentment toward others or even ourselves are often a result of not having self-awareness. This leads to feeling stuck in our situations or what Fritz Perls, a psychiatrist who founded Gestalt Therapy, refers to as “unfinished business.” That is when you know it is time to self-reflect. Tips to Improve Your Self-Awareness Begin with Curiosity Identifying the root of who we are, our motives for the decisions we make, and exploring what is driving specific emotions are good first steps. Curiosity is what helps you explore why you do or react in the way you do. Observation is a crucial element in this area. Recognize Patterns Through acknowledgement and acceptance of what you discover, you can begin to learn what you may need to work on. Sometimes it is essential to identify family patterns as well that may naturally live within you. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone I know, this may be the most difficult step. Most of us don’t like change. However, it is through experience that we learn who we are, our strengths and weaknesses, and what is true. A major step to changing your life is acknowledging your issues and understanding why you have them. This would not be possible without self-awareness. Although it can be uncomfortable, it is a great skill to have when figuring out life’s difficulties and ending a cycle of unwanted behaviors. The path of healing often begins with facing yourself. Alana is a Licensed Professional Counselor - Associate and practices under the supervision of Roxanne Deams, LPC-S.

By: Jack Wang, LPC-A Social anxiety can make a simple conversation with a stranger feel stressful, and the fear of judgment can make us freeze in social situations. Here are 5 reliable tips to help you keep a conversation when you feel lost: “That reminds me of...” Take what the person said and talk about something it reminded you of. It can be a past story, or something about the environment. Be careful because you may be one-upping someone else’s story. This tip can open more conversation topics and allow you to relate to their experience. Active Listening If you are feeling anxious, then it can be difficult to be present in the moment. Try focusing on the words the person is saying and paraphrase or repeat some of the last things he or she said. This will usually prompt the person to talk more about the topic and will tell them that you are listening to them. Repeating something they said can help you clarify something you didn’t understand. Ask Open Questions Asking a yes or no question like, “Did you go to the library?” does not help continue the conversation as much as an open question like, “How was going to the library?” Find Common Interests This is common advice, but a good one. Talking about something both of you are interested in creates engagement and enjoyable conversation. Ask questions to search for common ground. Be careful not to overdo it, though, as too many questions one after the other can make the other person feel like they are being interrogated. Get Comfortable with Silence People often want to fill up the silence. If you are comfortable with a long pause, you can often encourage the other person to start making conversation just by waiting. A conversation is a two-person activity, after all! Conversation Starters a.   “Have anything fun coming up this week?” b.   “How do you know each other?” c.    “What’s your story?” d.   “What do you do for fun?” e.   “Where did you grow up?” Making conversation is a skill. Like other skills, they need to be learned and practiced. These are just some of the skills that we practice in our Adulting Program here at The Conative Group. Sometimes, that means you may have a bad conversation from time to time. It does not mean you were not meant for socializing. It just means you are like a lot of other folks who can also get better at making conversation. Good luck! Jack Wang is a Licensed Professional Counselor - Associate and practices under the supervision of Stefanie C. Barthmare, LPC-S.

By: Alana Tristan, MS, LPC-A. One of life’s biggest advice is, "you should invest!" People often refer to financial investment when sharing this statement. However, investing in yourself is also a special gift you can give not only to yourself, but to others as well. Doing this provides many benefits in multiple areas of your life. I learned this through my own experiences in volunteering, my career, and witnessing others’ journey of personal development. As a therapist, I work with individuals who struggle with things like depression, anxiety, stress management, and more. Together, we explore unique self-care actions (or investments) that contribute to areas they want to improve on. As a human just like you, I challenge myself to take opportunities that allow me to expand my knowledge and growth so that I can help others in their journey as well. Choosing a specific investment can look different for everyone. Here are 4 investment ideas you can try along with the benefit it provides: Invest in Yourself Get addicted to enhancing yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. This can include exercise, volunteering, or attending therapy. Benefit: You will feel energized in these areas which will allow the motivation you need to show up where you need to be. Invest in Knowledge Reading is a great way to do this (and my personal favorite)! I once heard someone say, “reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.” Benefit: You gain new ideas; it improves your focus and communication skills; and expands your understanding. Invest in Experiences Have the courage to take calculated risks. For example, traveling is a fun way to do this! Benefit: You can learn more about yourself and the world through experiences. Invest in Networking This can include both friends and business networking. It is important to have a circle of individuals who discuss self-improvement, business ideas, discipline, as well as success. Benefit: You create a community where you can learn from one another, lean on for support, and holds you accountable. These investments allow you to invest in yourself one way or another. By committing to one or more listed above to practice in your life, you will begin to notice personal transformation. Be open to expanding this list and find additional ways that are fitting for you. I also encourage you to share your investment skills with others as you will find it as a rewarding experience. Remember: YOU are the greatest investment! Alana Tristan is supervised by Roxanne Deams, LPC-S.