Search Results

By: Tami Sheena, MA, LPC-A Have you ever been frustrated with yourself, unable to see your strengths, focused only on your faults? Have you ever noticed that amazing people who are successful in their fields are often really hard on themselves? The truth is, we live in a very competitive society and there’s always going to be someone who's better than us at most things. Unfortunately, this then leads to many of us feeling like we’ll never be good enough. There's an inner critic that lives inside most people which blocks our ability to achieve goals, keeping us stuck and unable to achieve our dreams. That’s no way to live! If you are tired of the ups and downs of the comparison game, it might be time to incorporate self-compassion into your perspective. Self-compassion, along with techniques such as mindfulness, can help us rediscover who we are and give us the ability to nurture ourselves to create the lives we want. Self-compassion helps alleviate the need to be perfect. It also can motivate you to be nicer to yourself when you miss a shot at pickleball, don't play well at golf, or don't do so well on a presentation or a test. By understanding how we all suffer and are perfectly imperfect, we can learn to accept ourselves regardless of whether we do something well or mess it up entirely. Self-judgement and a harsh inner critic hinder our coping skills and inhibit our ability to see the strengths and talents that we have - either on the courts, on the golf course, or in any area of our lives. As a counselor, I love helping clients discover their strengths and overcome obstacles: helping them learn to be as kind to themselves as they would be to a friend. One of the tools I find helpful for my clients is the Insight Timer app. Insight Timer has excellent activities to help reduce anxiety and improve mindfulness. I also rely on the work of Dr. Kristin Neff, who is a leading pioneer in the self-compassion movement. She has developed several helpful self-compassion practices as detailed in her books on the topic. Dr. Neff’s “three pillars of self-compassion” provide ways to increase self-awareness and support yourself through difficult times. The 3 Pillars of Self-Compassion Pillar #1: Mindfulness and an understanding that everyone suffers. Pillar #2: Focus on the commonalities of humanity by understanding that we are all perfectly imperfect and that everybody you know is also dealing with difficult situations. Pillar #3: Kindness. Offering kindness to yourself as you would to a friend helps to increase self-worth. “Self-compassion gives you resources to keep your heart open during really difficult times…and handle the difficulty without being overwhelmed so that you can keep going. It’s a tremendous source of strength.” -Kristen Neff. I am certified in self-compassion informed psychotherapy and truly believe that the benefits of self-compassion practices can help others in their goals whether it’s for professional or personal relationships, or to improve performance as an athlete. Have you been hard on yourself lately? Maybe it’s time to give self-compassion a try. And remember, you don’t have to do it perfectly. Tami Sheena is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate supervised by Louise Dreyfus, MA, LPC-S, LMFT-S.

By: Miller Lowry, Clinical Coordinator & Executive Function Coach Are there any perfectionists out there? Are you always beating up yourself to do things better, faster, and just right? I can relate. As someone who has ADHD and ASD, I find my perfectionism adds balance but creates a conundrum. You see, one side of my brain struggles to stay organized and the other has the urge to “always do it right.” Throughout this journey, I have come up with many useful tips for staying off the perfectionist’s hamster wheel as much as possible. For the sake of this blog, I will share three. Tip #1: Remain Calm and Present. While this may sound cliché, it really seems to help in times of stress or over stimulation. For example, even during downtime it’s easy for my mind to wander to all of the things I’m not doing, which then creates a cycle of anxiety, fear of not doing enough, or accusatory thoughts about how lazy I am. If I remind myself to stay present and do simple deep breathing this helps me center myself. After a few deep breaths and time to feel the presence of the moment, I focus on the important parts of a stressful task. Or, if I need to have some downtime, then I can be fully present, actually relax, and enjoy the break. Tip #2: Keep Plans Clear and Simple. This is imperative for me because it keeps me from being easily overwhelmed. I sometimes find myself feeling as if I need to tackle everything all at once. If I break down my plans into simple steps this allows me to accomplish each step without the dreaded “overwhelm” creeping in. Tip #3: Remember You Are Human. I don’t know about you, but I often need to remember that we all can “drop the ball” at times. We must remind ourselves that it’s not physically or mentally possible to do everything exactly how and when we’d like. And we sure can’t please everyone no matter how hard we try. We must be mindful and remember our present self is – and will be – enough. It’s so important to practice forgiveness. While others may misunderstand us, I find I am my harshest critic and need to regularly forgive myself for being a judge and jury for my shortcomings and imperfections. Being human does not mean being perfect. In fact, I find that imperfection is part of the job. I hope these tips will challenge you to notice the difference between what your perfectionism tells you versus reality. Why not try it and see?

By: Patricia R. Hamilton, MS, LMFT Several years ago, as I was preparing to teach a class on Digital Citizenship to a group of 7th graders, I read a compelling article, "Why We’re So Hypocritical About Online Privacy" written by by Thomas Chamorro-Premuzic and Nathalie Nahai in the Harvard Business Review. It stuck with me and continues to inform my thoughts on privacy and mental health. What do individuals need to consider and parents need to teach young children about boundaries, limits, respect, and protections for ourselves and others? Whether you are an individual, a parent, a caregiver, an educator, or a student, and regardless of your age, this article raises some important questions…. What are my feelings about privacy? What does privacy mean to me? Am I responsible for myself? Am I able to set and adhere to limits? Am I comfortable with my digital footprint and online activities? Am I entitled to information about others? What am I teaching my children about privacy? About self-regulation? About impulse control? What basic constructs must a young child learn before they can understand the concept of privacy? These are fundamental questions that are both difficult to answer and even more challenging to teach and implement in our everyday lives. In the last three or four decades, the formalities, decorum and familiar constructs in American family life have loosened, changed, or simply faded away. The use of screens and social media have changed the basic operations of societies around the world. Some of these changes have been good and perhaps necessary. However, history reminds us, time and again, that even with great gains and societal change, there is a cost. We must carefully and honestly assess and adapt wisely in a world where privacy is a fluid construct.

By: Alana Tristan, LPC-A, Supervised by Roxanne Deams, LPC-S. Have you ever heard that tiny voice in your mind asking, “how did I get here? Do I deserve this? Am I capable of doing this?” Well, you are not alone. Many people, including myself, experience the feeling of imposter syndrome at least once in their lives. It is that buzzy sense of believing that you are not worthy of your accomplishments or should not be in the position that you are in despite great effort and skill, and perhaps pretending until someone figures it out. In other words, self-doubt. Yup, the big stinger! It can be a sore spot, I know. Let’s talk about it. According to Dr. Valerie Young, a leading expert on the topic, there are five categories of imposter syndrome: the Perfectionist, the Superwoman/man, the Natural Genius, the Soloist, and the Expert. Sound familiar? I personally relate to the Superwoman and Expert types; feeling as if there is always more to learn while life tells me, “go go go!” until burnout kicks in. However, there are times I have to hold my horses, take a breath, and remind myself that what I have done and know so far is a big accomplishment in itself. Hey, I am human. Managing the imposter syndrome when it shows up is straightforward. First, find the courage to step into the next level. Taking a risk, elevating, or taking on a new endeavor can feel a bit intimidating. The key is growing into that space, owning the thoughts and feelings that come with it, and accepting imperfections. When we find ourselves outside of our comfort zone, that is when we usually stretch the most, utilizing psychic muscles that perhaps were not used before. Woo! Plus, imposter syndrome does not have to be a green monster on your back…my professor in Grad School once said, “imposter syndrome means you care. Use it as strength, not as self-defeat.” Individuals may struggle with questioning their abilities such as: Do I have what it takes to graduate? Is it possible to iron out disorganization? Can I really pursue that job? The Adulting Program here at The Conative Group assists young adults who ponder questions like these and we use support, encouragement and step-by-step goals to move forward. I’m lucky because I see people break through the imposter syndrome every day! So, remember, you are not alone and it is okay to ask for help. Being the best version of yourself allows strength and power to come forth. Acknowledge your imperfections. Say yes to the new opportunity. And, mostly be more gracious, forgiving, and hopeful to yourself. We have all been there.

Here are 3 tips for parents to try with their family to cultivate and build stronger bonds together. Know what makes them tick. Understand the things that thrill them and the things that make them a little nervous. Taking an interest in your child's interests can build an even stronger bond together. Take the time to foster your child's unique abilities and strengths. Not to have some prescribed notion of what that child is going to be. That never goes well! Be the positive force that teaches them but also allow space for room to grow. You can check in on how your child feels everyday. It’s one of the most important things that a parent can do. Remember, every family dynamic is different, however starting strong and clear fundamentals when children are young is a great strategy for continued success and longevity. What are some of your best parenting tips that you implement in your family?

On April 4th, 2022, Dr. Kimberly Harrison stopped by Annunciation Orthodox School for a special presentation, "Staying on Track: What Are Executive Functions and How Can I Help My Child Improve Them?" for the Parent Ed Session. From planning and organizing to shifting from task to task to getting started on projects without procrastinating, the Executive Functions are the part of our cognitive processes that keep us organized. Many students struggle with some of these fundamental skills, especially as schoolwork becomes more complex and demands for independent performance increase. Dr. Kimberly Harrison is a clinical psychologist who works extensively with parents and children to help improve executive functioning skills. Come learn some simple ways to help your child improve abilities to stay on track! Thank you Annunciation Orthodox School for having us!

Ask The Expert. Impulsivity, taking hasty actions without first thinking about the consequences, is one of the core symptoms of ADHD. Your child may do or say things without thinking, and as a consequence they are rejected by peers and scolded often by adults. Learn what treatments can help, what you can do to increase positive interactions, help your child to be more aware, and provide alternative behaviors. Check out Dr. Kimberly Harrison's webinar from CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD). Original Source: https://chadd.org/webinars/ask-the-expert-wait-help-your-child-with-adhd-to-be-less-impulsive-ask-the-expert/

By: Kimberly Harrison, Ph.D Sometimes it can be tough to harness the energy of a hyperactive child during the school year, but the holidays bring about special challenges. Changes in schedules and an abundance of over-stimulating activities can be difficult to manage. However, a little planning coupled with wisdom to change plans in the moment can bring about holiday magic! It’s important to remember that children with ADHD have to move and have to talk! They have a circular operating system, which makes them great at multi-tasking but not-so-great at staying on task. The ADHD brain is always looking for the next most interesting thing. And when the ADHD child is exhausted, they need to rest. With these things in mind, here are a few ways to help your child with ADHD thrive during the holidays: Create a list of tasks which need to be done each day and then put them on slips of paper in a container. Your child can help with this. Ideas include gift-wrapping, cookie baking, baseboard cleaning, guest room decorating, centerpiece making, bed making, tree trimming, pillow fluffing, snowman-making, dishwasher emptying, etc. You can continually add slips of paper based on what needs to be done each day. Notice there are some “regular chores” mixed in with “fun chores.” Then, whenever your child is bored or looking for something to do, have them pull out a slip and do the job. The mystery makes tasks interesting. You can even assign points based on level of boredom (ex. cleaning baseboards = 3 points) and then have rewards assigned for various point totals. Remember that over-stimulation can be difficult to manage, so create a plan, in advance, for calming activities which can quickly be incorporated when hyperactivity and impulsivity surge. For example, when going to dinner at the grandparent’s house, bring a holiday graphic novel or word search book and commandeer a spare bedroom in which to make a reading fort. Have time-outs as needed in the new, fun place. Maximize the need to move and talk by assigning the role of emcee for the holiday gift exchange. Have your child conduct interviews with older relatives to capture them on video. Work in advance to develop a list of appropriate interview questions. If your child regularly takes medication to manage hyperactivity and impulsivity, don’t stop now. Being able to control themselves can help children with ADHD enjoy all aspects of the holidays much more than when they are governed by hyperactivity and impulsivity. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Make sure – no matter what – they get enough sleep. Communicate your family holiday traditions in ways your child can embrace. Allow them to add to the story of your family in creative ways – maybe through singing carols, or perhaps by reading a traditional story, or helping cook a meal. Extra energy and enthusiasm during the holidays can be very helpful. Helping your child manage their hyperactivity can add to your family’s joy this season! // For more parenting tips, check out my online video series "Conative Parenting: The Basics" to learn strategic, practical, and timeless parenting skills for your whole family.

By: Melissa Fasteau, Psy.D It takes a lot of guts for patients to make the decision to break up with obsessive-compulsive disorder. They have been living many years with tormenting thoughts and fears, dictating how they go about their days. When your patient is on board with breaking up with their OCD, you want to encourage them not to DRIFT away from OCD, but rather to look forward to how they want to live in the future, and to break up with OCD. Exposure and response prevention (ERP) is the gold standard for treating OCD. [1] The procedure is simple, but the task of breaking up is always emotionally difficult. Let’s examine the DRIFT treatment barriers (my made-up acronym) so we can support our patients in officially kissing OCD goodbye. OCD is a complicated disorder that includes intrusive thoughts, images, and urges that cause people to feel extreme distress, anxiety, disgust, and/or fear. [2] Many recognize that these thoughts are illogical. In order to cope with the distress, people generally use compulsions to reduce the experienced distress. These take the form of rituals, reassurance questions, neutralization, and avoidance behaviors. [2] Over time, compulsions become tightly linked to the initial fear, and behaviors are performed nearly instantaneously. Colloquially, some patients have described this to me as a “habit” or “quirk.” During their intakes, patients often present as self-conscious about their thoughts and are worried that they might be judged for having thoughts about sexuality, violence, scrupulosity, contamination, and symmetry. Frequently, they identify these irrational thoughts and do not know how to deal with these fears. Wouldn’t you be scared, too? These thoughts are normal, and everyone has scary thoughts. Yet the difference is the terrible consequence that may occur as a result of these frightening thoughts. Let’s applaud the courage it takes to discuss these fearful thoughts. During the process of exposure therapy, treatment barriers can arise in a similar manner to late-night ex-texts: stealthily and uninvited. Let’s take a closer look at navigating these roadblocks, using DRIFT as a guide. D: Difficulty Understanding Treatment Rationale Exposure and response prevention (ERP) is a demanding treatment, encouraging a lifestyle change encompassing uncertainty. Asking patients to face their biggest fears directly – and then some – is quite the challenge! Sometimes patients do not understand why exposures are important, which makes it difficult to believe in the treatment. Dedicating time in session to discuss the treatment theory and examples of how treatment works can help patients overcome the first obstacle of ending their relationship with OCD. Throughout the psychoeducation component, checking for understanding can be done in multiple ways. Patients often feel relief when they explain their own OCD cycle, and when they can identify how their exposure items can help them live life more fully, their motivation for treatment often increases. When patients understand how OCD can be like a sneaky ex, finding ways to cause subtle avoidance behaviors in daily life, they are more likely to catch themselves in the moment and develop a further understanding of how OCD functions for them. R: Readiness We try to meet patients where they are and help them to overcome their struggles. With OCD, people often believe a terrible outcome could occur if they disobey OCD. Evaluating treatment readiness is helpful to determine when the patient wants to get better. For instance, you can ask patients how willing they are to do an exposure and how much they believe the exposure will help them break up with OCD. As with break-ups, it can be easy to fluctuate between willing to fully let go and running back into their ex’s open arms. Motivational interviewing helps patients overcome ambivalence about readiness to engage in treatment. [3] Consider asking questions to highlight what OCD has stolen from the joys of living. Emphasizing the patient’s desire and need for change is crucial for resolving the fluctuating willingness needed to create sustained behavior change. When patients articulate their personal motivation, values, and life goals, they are ready to break up with OCD. I: Insight Another element of behavior change for OCD is assessing the patient’s level of insight. At times, patients may believe their OCD fears are logical and their reasons for engaging in compulsions throughout the day are necessary to keep themselves and their loved ones safe. When this occurs, patients are fused with their thoughts, and it can be more difficult to break this pattern. It can be helpful to consider thought experiments: for instance, for someone who fears committing a hit-and-run, you can ask them to use Jedi mind tricks to crash cars on the highway, and to ask God to strike lightning in the therapy office. These types of experiences can help the patient develop the view that their fears may not be as accurate as they predicted. Level of insight can also fluctuate as to whether or not intrusive fears are ego-syntonic or ego-dystonic. Ego-syntonic fears are behaviors and values that align with obsessions and personal beliefs, and ego-dystonic fears differ from one’s personal beliefs. Generally, patients with good insight have ego-dystonic thoughts, in which they know their thoughts are irrational. At times, however, obsessions can become ego-syntonic, in which someone emotionally connects with their thoughts and believes OCD thoughts can be good or protective. For instance, think of a patient with “just right” OCD who feels strong urges to straighten and tidy their environment. This person may also hold a strong personal value of organization and neatness and prefer to live in this manner. It can be difficult to practice “being messy” exposures when someone does not believe in the benefit of tolerating the discomfort caused by messiness. Helping patients recognize the value of their exposure and identifying how OCD has stolen precious time can increase motivation for treatment. Ego-syntonic fears have also been observed in patients with scrupulosity. For instance, someone’s faith may be a core value, and they pray in a certain way as prescribed by their religious leader. OCD causes people to fear the unlikeliest of scenarios. As a result, values such as prayer can become a fearful experience due to the anticipated consequences of not living according to stringent rules set by OCD. Collaborating with religious leaders can be helpful to obtain permission to practice exposures to intrusive thoughts when someone has a lower level of insight. F: Family Accommodation Treating OCD and working within the family system is one of the most challenging aspects of recovery. Loving parents and partners of those with OCD often are sucked into the OCD cycle. When OCD is triggered, people are often in a significant state of distress, where a seemingly small act of reassurance, checking behavior, or avoidance can make all of the discomfort disappear. Families can develop patterns, which begin subtly, to accommodate OCD. Over time, these patterns evolve into rituals where families are supporting OCD rather than their loved ones. After providing psychoeducation to family members about OCD, families are often on board to help their loved ones break up with OCD. Creating family contracts is a useful tool to set boundaries and to set the stage for empathic ways to kiss OCD goodbye. [4] Family contracts can be made in session with a therapist or at home. These work by asking families to generate predictable situations that they have accommodated in the past and to look at alternative solutions. An open and honest discussion can help the patient and family identify both individual and family goals in the moment. This can include the family agreeing to response prevention (e.g., the family not engaging in rituals) and the patient redirecting their attention to the immediate goal at hand. T: Therapist Beliefs Before any major life decision — like a break-up — it is especially important to do a reality check. As psychologists, we occasionally get in our own ways. Research suggests that therapists underuse and misuse exposure due to concerns about “the treatment’s safety, tolerability, and ethicality prior to conducting an exposure session.” [5] Therapists who hold negative beliefs about exposures, or who do not fully believe in the benefits of this treatment, can unintentionally send subtle messages that exposure is unhelpful to their patients. This can, unfortunately, lead to less effective treatment. [5] In clinical practice, these messages can be sent by developing a hierarchy when encouraging patients to start at the easiest level, when the patient is motivated to start higher on their list. In fact, using a SUDs (subjective units of distress) scale can dissuade patients from trying the most challenging exposure, teaching patients that they cannot handle their fears. It is best to use your clinical judgment to determine the helpfulness of using a SUDs scale, depending on factors such as the patient’s ability to communicate distress and their understanding of treatment. It is especially important to begin exposures at the most challenging levels that a patient is willing to try. In reality, approaching the most challenging fears increases patients’ beliefs of self-efficacy. As a therapist, please check yourself to make sure you are sending “you can do this” vibes to your patient and to ensure you are using exposure in the most effective manner possible. In the end, once your client is ready to for OCD treatment, make sure you encourage a clean break-up rather than a slow DRIFT away from OCD. This article was originally published on October 16, 2019. Original post from: Time 2 Track References [1] How is OCD Treated? (n.d.). Retrieved from https://iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/ [2] American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (DSM-5®). American Psychiatric Pub. [3] Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2012). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change. Guilford press. [4] Landsman, K. J., Rupertus, K. M., & Pedrick, C. (2006). Loving someone with OCD: help for you and your family. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications. [5] Farrell, N. R., Deacon, B. J., Kemp, J. J., Dixon, L. J., & Sy, J. T. (2013). Do negative beliefs about exposure therapy cause its suboptimal delivery? An experimental investigation. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 27(8), 763-771.

By: Kimberly Harrison, Ph.D “No!” Carlos threw his pencil and stomped down the hall, refusing to return to finish his homework. First, Dad started pleading with promises of a favorite TV show if Carlos would just finish, then Mom threatened no iPad time if he didn’t start working “right now!” The more his parents insisted, the angrier Carlos became, throwing his toys around his bedroom, shouting, and eventually crying himself to sleep. No punishment seemed to impact his desire to get away from that homework. His parents were exhausted and confused. Why was second grade homework such a problem? After all, he just had to read a few pages in a book and write 3 sentences. Other nights were the same. It didn’t matter what the subject was, Carlos refused, often holding the household hostage with his outbursts. Sometimes, one tantrum would resolve just in time for another to begin – he didn’t want to play with his brother, or go swimming, or go to his baseball game – sometimes, it seemed, he just wanted to be defiant. He’d always been a little emotional, but never like this. What were they doing wrong, his parents wondered, why couldn’t they make their child behave? It was frustrating, embarrassing, and draining. It was even starting to impact their marriage, each one blaming the other for making it worse. Phoebe’s parents were dealing with something similar, but their daughter was in seventh grade. She took forever to do her homework, often forgot to turn things in, and wasn’t sleeping well. She was extremely irritable all the time and she didn’t even want to spend time with her friends anymore. The only thing that seemed to calm her was watching an endless string of YouTube videos. No matter what her parents said or did she yelled, cried, and then shut down. So, what is going on? Is it bad behavior? Has Carlos learned that if he creates enough commotion, he won’t have to do it? Has Phoebe figured out life is a lot more fun with videos and no schoolwork? Perhaps. Sometimes children learn how to get out of unpleasant tasks by distracting adults with off-putting behavior. If that’s the case, then some general behaviorism usually works to correct things. Start with positive reinforcers. A reinforcer is something that is added to improve a wanted behavior and is given immediately after the person does something desired. Examples of positive reinforcers include praise, a tasty treat, a tic mark on a score sheet, and more. Start small with praise when a first step is accomplished. In the case of Carlos, if it’s a behavioral issue where he “won’t do homework” then his parents should give him praise for each step – taking out his book, reading a page, writing a sentence, etc., then follow up when homework is done with an extra few minutes of screen time or something he loves to do. After a few days, most likely he’ll need less and less support and the behavior will change. Same with Phoebe, although sometimes behavioral issues require consequences, especially for preteens and teens. A consequence involves adding or taking away something to decrease an unwanted behavior. But parents beware! Most people usually respond much better to reinforcers than consequences. Their parents already know that punishment doesn’t work for Carlos or Phoebe. What else could it be? More often than just bad behavior, I find there is an underlying academic or emotional issue. Ask yourself: “When did this behavior get worse?” “What seems to be the primary trigger?” “What’s going on in the environment when it happens?” “Does it happen both at home and school?” "Are teachers concerned that performance is declining? Your child may have been extra emotional since the beginning, but did this type of behavior always happen? If so, look at neurobiological issues such as ADHD. You might want to consult with your pediatrician or a therapist to determine the root issue and plan interventions. Sometimes ADHD shows up early on, and sometimes not until later, such as Middle School when schoolwork becomes more complex. If the intensity of behavior is new, then look at what else is going on. Perhaps Carlos is having difficulty reading or with holding a pencil. An evaluation of reading and writing issues might be in order. Maybe Phoebe is being teased or bullied or can’t concentrate in class. Or, perhaps anxiety has increased to a level where it has become a disorder triggered by the stress of schoolwork, or OCD is emerging, or the child is depressed. These neurobiological, emotional, and learning issues are “cant’s” which are triggering the meltdowns. If you’ve used all the tools in your parenting toolkit and are still baffled, then it’s time to create a team to investigate possible reasons for “cant’s.” Talk with your child’s teacher and school counselor. Consult with a therapist or consider a psychoeducational evaluation. The most important things parents can do include: 1) Refuse to ignore what’s going on 2) Stop blaming yourselves, and 3) Create a team. The longer a child is in distress and the family is suffering, the worse it usually gets. Create a team, develop a plan, and know you are not alone. Finally, keep your eye on the prize. On those tough days, think about your child as a thriving student, a happier human, and maybe even visualize them as a successful adult. Remind yourself that this, too, shall pass.