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By: Jenna Cook, Me.D., LPCi With the current pandemic and its effects on our world and community, there is an overwhelming sense of anxiety and uncertainty. We are navigating unchartered territory as we try to decide what’s best for ourselves, our loved ones, our jobs, and our day-to-day lives. There is definitely no rule book for how to proceed when something like this changes life as we know it. In times like these, it is normal and natural to feel helpless, anxious, and concerned. As humans, most of us thrive when we feel like we have a handle on things. When we are able to predict, plan, and control aspects of our lives, we feel as though we will somehow be prepared for whatever good or bad will happen. We often seek out the feeling of being in control and avoid situations that make us feel out of control. As humans we all operate out of survival mode and make decisions to protect ourselves and our loved ones. In a time such as this, when our physical and emotional well-being are at risk, it’s okay to feel stressed. If you would like to try to restore a sense of calm and okay-ness, here’s a few things to try: 1. Thank your brain for trying to protect you. When life throws us a scary, way-bigger-than-us, unpredictable curveball, our brain has a fight, flight, or freeze response. When our brain perceives something as a threat, it throws our body into survival mode by activating our sympathetic nervous system. Our heart rate and breathing increase, our pupils dilate, our muscles tense—all to ready ourselves to fight the danger off or run away from it! Other ways in which our stress responses are visible during this time are emotionally charged social media comments (fight), stockpiling an excessive amount of supplies (flight), and compulsively refreshing news sites over and over, waiting anxiously for the next update (freeze.) In all of these responses, healthy and effective or not, your brain is doing its best job to protect your body from what it thinks might harm you. Take a moment to be grateful for that. Thank your brain and nervous system for having your best interest in mind! Give thanks to your anxiety for working to keep you and the ones you love safe. 2. Use your body to tell your brain you’re okay. Your brain activates your stress response when it perceives there is a threat. That means that there might not be an actual life-threatening stressor present. Just like how your brain sends signals to your body, your body can also send signals to your brain. You can utilize your body to send messages of calm and safety to your brain by taking a few diaphragmatic breaths to activate your parasympathetic nervous system. Exercise during stressful times can help expel some energy and requires you to take rhythmic breaths that calm you. Physical activity also helps you feel good about yourself and helps clear your mind, if only for a little while. Another method called grounding helps you use your body’s 5 senses to tell your brain you’re okay and works to restore logic when you’re feeling overwhelmed or panicked. If you experience anxiety in the evenings or at bedtime, a weighted blanket helps your body convince your brain you are safe, as it mimics the comfort of the womb or being swaddled or held. 3. Remember you don’t have to fight, flight, or freeze alone. Even though we must be do our part to keep our community and world safe by practicing social distancing, we are not in this stress alone. As humans, we survive and thrive in community with one another. We have each other’s backs in times of anxiety and overwhelm. When you feel your fight, flight, or freeze response kick in, lean on someone you trust. Talk to them about what you’re experiencing and learn about how they’re responding to the stress. You will learn that you are not alone in your worries and fears. Come up with a plan for how your household will stay physically, emotionally, and relationally healthy during this time. If needed, turn to a mental health professional—many of which have distance counseling options through video or phone. They are highly trained in working through stress and stress responses and can help you better understand what you are experiencing, as well as how to address it. Remember that all of us are experiencing similar stress and struggles, even if it presents itself in different ways. Lean on the rest of your human community and show them (and yourself) some grace—we’re all in this together.

By: Patricia R. Hamilton, MS, LMFT Many of us are a few weeks into "social distancing," as we shelter in place with our families to weather the pandemic. For some, working from home, not to mention being home all day long with our kids, is a novel, and perhaps a challenging experience. No school, no baby sitters or day care, no church, no visits from friends or grandparents, and try as we might to make it fun, boredom and cabin fever are real challenges. As one day bleeds into the next, kids begin to bicker, the food you bought for the whole week is lasting two days tops, and the only time your three year-old stops fussing is when you begrudgingly give him your smart phone. To get any work done or just have a little peace and quiet, you either have to temporarily suspend House Rules, like the heavy restrictions you normally place on screen use, TV, video games, and the phone, or enact "Marshall Law" to manage the outcries. These are very unusual times that require unusual measures, right? You can feel yourself caving-in to their demands.... Here are just a few reasons to help fortify and encourage you to "stand the wall" against screens and use reading and other old school remedies for managing the days ahead. Reading to your children at any age is the single most important thing you can do to support their development! Early Childhood Development During normal times, parents want to know and follow best practices for screen use for computers, phones, television, xbox, etc. Scientists all around the world continue to research the positive and negative influences of screens on the developing brain. We are still gathering, in real time, new data for how screen use is fundamentally impacting child development, learning, and the social/emotional behavior of people at all ages. We've known for a while that the brain develops fastest in the first five years of life. And, at birth, humans have the most neurons in their brain than they will ever have. Depending on the stimulation they receive from caregivers and the environment, the connections between these neurons are either put to use and reinforced, or, unused, they are naturally pruned away. Although our brains have the capacity to change and learn at any age, it is most efficient, with the greatest number of neurons, in the first five years of life. This means that the early childhood experience is critically important to brain development. Leaders in the field of reading and literacy, have delivered some new research from examining the brains of healthy 3 to 5 year-olds, who have not yet attended kindergarten. Looking at what improves or diminishes the brain's "readiness" for reading and learning, has revealed two compelling data points: Children who are read to daily, show increased growth and organization of white matter in the language centers of the brain, the areas needed to support learning in school. Children spending two hours a day playing on screens, show massive underdevelopment and disorganization of white matter in the language center of the brain, needed for learning in school. The Importance of Reading to Young Children This research provides more neurobiological evidence of the potential benefits of reading to your child, and the detriments of too much screen time on the brain development of preschoolers 3 to 5. One study's lead author and pediatrician, Dr. John Hutton, contends that children who have more stimulating experiences that help "grow and organize" white matter in the brain, have a huge advantage when they enter school. Cognitive testing shows that kids who use screens for more than one hour a day have poorer emerging literacy skills, less ability to use expressive language, and test lower in the ability to rapidly name objects. Children who frequently read books with their caregivers scored higher. New data also indicates that playing with toys that children need to manipulate, using imagination, and playing outdoors, not only improves cognitive scores related to literacy, but also improves function in many other parts of the brain as well. Reading to your child, at any age, continues to be the most important thing you can do for their wellbeing and brain development. Even when children can read on their own, it is still beneficial. Experts contend there is no "best" way to read to your child. It is actually more about, showing up and doing it that counts. The National Institute for Literacy has compiled some science-based suggestions for encouraging your child to love books and reading. How to Encourage Children to Love Books and Reading Start from birth reading to your child Sing the ABC song Have your child use their imagination and make up stories, asking lots of questions about the invented tales Select books with interesting characters Have your child point to pictures and words and repeat them Most important, enjoy yourself Remember: Growth and organization of white matter is critical for communication across all parts of the brain, boosting functionality and the ability to learn. Without a well-developed communication system, the brain's processing speed slows and learning suffers. NO screens for children 0 to 5 would be ideal, for a whole variety of developmental reasons, including brain development. Reading to your child is the best stimulation for language and literacy development, while also providing rich opportunities for parent/child connection, rituals, routine, and bonding. Screens (of any kind) for children this age should not exceed an hour a day. The same is true for years 5 to 10. Stand the wall parents! Read, play, build, pretend, dress up, cook, clean, run, ride bikes, swing, garden, hide and seek, cards, and count. Cuddle, sing, eat together, pray, and organize. Teach, set expectations, and model conscientiousness, process, and service to the family, creating a solid foundation upon which your child can build. Reading to your child is the hallmark of these best practices.

By: Jenna Cook, M.Ed., LPCi In a world that already puts so many barriers between us and our fellow human beings, the critical, yet disheartening necessity of social distancing is scary. As mental health professionals, our job entails connecting with people, connecting people to each other, connecting people to resources and solutions, and combating the depression and anxiety that comes along with the missing or faulty connections between all these things. In short, our job is all about connection. As humans, we are programmed for connection. We survive and succeed in, and only in, connection with our tribe of fellow humans. We are a social species that relies on the strengths of others, especially in times of our own weakness. We all have different strengths and gifts and resources and ideas to bring to the table for the good of the group. Know That You Are Not Alone Now, as chunks of our group are struggling physically, and the rest of us are struggling logistically and emotionally, we must figure out how to truly connect and make it count, as our physical presence with others is rightfully restricted. With the development of technology and new ways of communicating, one might think that we’d feel more connected and “a part of” our world than ever. Yet, social media tends to be a counterfeit connection. Instead of creating a communal sense of “we’re all in this together” it can cast blame, spread hype, diminish significant things, and catastrophize trivial things. Even with users’ best intentions, wires get crossed, data gets dropped, and the connection fails, leaving users feeling anxious, depressed, offended, or excluded. When we seek out in social media the same things we get from in-person interaction, we are left wanting more, even to the point of addiction. While a great deal of research and information exists about the effects of social media on our society (some of which we have included below—thankfully we all have some extra time to read up), it is certain that technology has made it possible for us to remain in touch with others, even across borders, oceans, and CDC proximity guidelines. Due to the implementation of social distancing and self-quarantine, maintaining clear, honest, open, authentic, connection in the ways available to us is critical. With all of the added downtime, our inclination might be to spend more time on the internet or social media. With a healthy mindset and in moderation, it is possible to use social media and technology to connect us during this chaotic time. Instead of utilizing it as a means of consuming or producing news, consider using it to check in on the people you care about. Use it to share ideas and your own experiences with methods of staying active, creative, and healthy. Use it to find and share joy and happy distractions. Use it to point people to resources you know about in your community. Check in with yourself next time you log in. Are you starting to post or scroll because you’re feeling bored, scared, lonely, or heated? Consider returning when you’re feeling inspired, grateful, helpful, or happy. If you or someone you know feels alone or anxious during this time, here are a few things to try: Do Your Part and Feel Proud of Yourself for it Find your role to fill during this time. As mentioned above, we all have something important to bring to the table. Send words of encouragement to a friend. Check on your coworkers. Donate to a cause that resonates with you. Help your household spend some fun time together. Stay home and feel proud that you’re helping combat the spread of COVID-19. Take your role seriously and feel good about it. Take a Break from Social Media While of course it’s easier than ever to communicate with other humans, social media often drives invisible wedges between us. Instead of emulating authentic human interaction that helps us feel like we matter and belong, it sometimes works to isolate us even more when messages of fear, blame, hype, panic, “should”s and “should not”s are flung around recklessly. Take a break and decide what’s best for you and your loved ones using your own reasoning, information, and intuition. Take a Breather from News Sites and the Internet Making sure you have the latest news from reputable sources is normal and natural when we are practicing informed decision-making. However, clicking the refresh button repeatedly and waiting impatiently for the next big story to break is an indicator of anxiety and our desire to feel in control in an out-of-control situation. Take a break from the internet to do something fun, productive, relaxing, or communal with your household. The news story will still be there when you log on later. Do Something Physical Doing something active helps divert our energy into something that helps us feel good about ourselves. Take a walk outside or do an at-home workout video from YouTube. Even if you simply take a few diaphragmatic breaths (https://youtu.be/Vca6DyFqt4c), you will be activating your body’s parasympathetic nervous system which works to calm you. Talk to Someone You Know Have an in-person conversation with someone in your household about how you’re feeling. Share in some of your thoughts and worries together. Create a plan of action of what you will do to stay healthy. Also try talking about things not relating to current events. Have a fun, funny, or interesting conversation that helps you feel connected. If you’re struggling to think of topics, try some conversation starters like these Table Topics. Talk with a Mental Health Professional Feeling anxious or worried during this time is natural and normal. However, if you're anxious thoughts and worries are affecting your daily life, relationships, work, or responsibilities, talking to a clinician can help you better understand your struggles and how to work through them. A professional such as a psychologist, counselor, or marriage and family therapist can work with you to help you feel connected to yourself and others and problem-solve with you to restore a sense of calm and control. Luckily many counseling practices like ours have taken steps to provide fully remote counseling options through secure video platforms. Our team here at The Conative Group comes from diverse backgrounds and is highly trained in areas such as anxiety, depression, relationships and communication, parenting, learning differences, and ADHD. Our team of therapists, as well as the field of mental health as a whole, is committed to ensuring that folks stay not only physically healthy during this time, but mentally, relationally, and emotionally well. For more info about staying physically, relationally, emotionally healthy amidst COVID-19, social media usage, and social distancing, please check out: - Mental Health and Coping During COVID-19 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2020 - Coronavirus Disease (COVID-19) Advice for the Public World Health Organization, 2020 - iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy--and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood--and What That Means for the Rest of Us Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D., 2018 - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls Lisa Damour, Ph.D., 201

By: Kimberly Harrison, Ph.D Right now we all have the gift of time. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, our busy world has pressed “pause." But staying emotionally healthy and connected to others during times of social distancing requires dusting off some old-fashioned skills. Back in “the olden days” families were snowed in or otherwise separated from society for months at a time. What did they do? In short, they leveraged an abundance of time to strengthen their relationships, read, write, play music and create. They did not spend all day watching the news and/or staying online. We can all learn from this to develop simple things to maximize the down-time we are all faced with. Here’s a simple plan: 1. Have everyone in the family make a daily schedule based on balanced use of time. Categories to make sure to include are: Physical Activity, Intellectual Activity (reading, master class, etc), Creative Activities/Hobbies, Conversations with Others (not game-based), Organization/Project. Here are some specific suggestions: This is a great time to work on a hobby or creative project that you normally don’t have time for. Perhaps you can work on a handmade holiday gift or birthday gift for a friend or loved one that you normally would not have time to make. Have their picture out while working on it, and spend some extra time reflecting on how important they are to you. This creates a deep sense of emotional connectedness. Create competitions for the best closet-cleaning or bookshelf reorganization. Share your competition with other families through FaceTime or video. Have a “topic of the day” conversation with friends and family that is not COVID-19 related. Factor in things like electronics and social media after you plan for everything else. 2. Start working the plan and be consistent with following your schedule. With a little planning, we can be more deeply connected than ever before.

By: Dr. Trent Everett How should we talk with children about the coronavirus (COVID-19)? With the abundance of news coverage, social media exposure, and conversations, it’s almost certain kids who are school age and older have been exposed to this topic. How parents respond to the current situation can have a significant effect on how children handle it, and most of the time your children will follow the response you model. If you are watching the news and your kids are around, they are absorbing the same information as you, except they don’t have adult emotional and reasoning systems to handle the information. In an emotionally charged atmosphere, children are generally very sensitive to what surrounds them and are directly influenced by the way their parents feel. Therefore, if you are worried about something, your child is likely to be worried, too. As a parent, it’s important to overcome your own anxieties to help your children face theirs. With coronavirus, keep things in perspective. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that the number of confirmed infections and loss of life in the U.S. are low, especially in comparison to other flu viruses. The fact that there is a great deal of news coverage on this issue does not necessarily mean that it presents a threat to you or your family. The probability of any family contracting COVID 19 is extremely low. Take the precautions you feel are necessary and maintain routines, social connections and activities to provide a sense of stability. The way we address this issue with our kids is age dependent. If a child expresses concern, parents should offer reassurance they’re doing everything possible to keep the family healthy and safe. At any age, if your child is worried, find out what they’ve heard or think they know, then correct misinformation. Until around age 7, only address potentially frightening details if kids bring them up first. Respond in age-appropriate language and keep your answers short and concrete. Younger children need to be reassured that this won't happen to them. Parents may feel like they're lying, since no one can ever be 100% sure of what the future holds, but probability estimates are not something small children can grasp and won't comfort them. Explain what they need to do to remain safe, such as washing hands and sneezing or coughing into their sleeves. With older children and teens, be honest and authentic. Talk to them about the statistics and stress the importance of hygiene. Assure them that some of the most skilled and intelligent people in the world are working collaboratively to address this illness. Explain that it is highly unlikely to affect them because they are under 20 years-old and, up to this point, there has only been one death of someone this age. By far, the most deaths have occurred to older people with compromised immune systems. The vast majority of people recover fully, often having mild or even no symptoms, including most of the older people. This information can be reassuring if they are concerned about older family members, such as grandparents. An important first step for parents, teachers and other adults is gathering information. What are the facts we currently have as opposed to the media hype, the over or under reaction of others, assumptions, rumors and mythology growing around this topic? For example, Human Coronaviruses are a family of viruses that typically cause mild to moderate illness like the common cold. Almost everyone gets infected with one of these viruses at some point in their lives, and usually the illness only lasts a short amount of time. It is important to stay well-informed with reliable information, such as that provided by The Center for Disease Control. In some cases, children and/or their parents may experience more significant levels of anxiety, sadness and uncertainty. In situations where these heightened emotional responses begin to adversely affect work, school, relationships or physical functioning such as sleep, it may be helpful to consult with a mental health professional. The clinicians at The Conative Group are prepared and committed to provide the understanding, skills and support to help families and individuals more successfully navigate these challenging circumstances.

By: Kimberly Harrison, Ph.D Our world has become increasingly stressful, and children are experiencing more anxiety than ever. Children and teens are over-scheduled, expected to perform at peak capacity most of the time, and are surrounded by seemingly perfect people, places and things. The baseline for children’s overall stress level is often high, then when an unexpected event such as a thunderstorm or pop quiz occurs, they panic. How can parents help keep the threshold for stress low and expectations for performance realistic? Everyone has the capacity to handle some stress, and in fact, a small amount of stress is helpful to create motivation and energy to do the things that need to be done in a day. Without some stress most people would not get out of bed in the morning. Our reservoir for stress could be compared to a bathtub: it can have a standard water level, you can even add to that level, but at some point, if too much water is added the tub will overflow. Anxiety and panic can occur when our “stress tub” overflows. Therefore, it is important to drain some of our stress on a daily basis so we don’t emotionally overflow. Anxiety is different from stress. With anxiety, our brains react to something which appears to be a threat and then our bodies produce an overflow of adrenaline. This physiological response sends us into fight, flight or freeze mode. Common ways these features show up in children include tantrums or meltdowns (fight), procrastination or avoidance (flight), or mind going blank (freeze). If one or more of these types of behavior occur on a regular basis your child might have an anxiety disorder which will likely respond to treatment by a professional. If these behaviors only occur occasionally, then improvement can be experienced with a stress reduction plan. An effective stress management program has several components. First, make sure your child is not over-scheduled. Today we have structured programs for just about everything, and this creates an atmosphere of “have to” instead of “want to.” A little bit of structured activity after school is OK, but children need free time to play, independently explore hobbies, and relax. Downtime is necessary for life balance. A general rule is no more than 2 after school classes per semester, including sports. Next, allow your child to experiment with activities and don’t require perfection. In fact, celebrate mistakes. We live in a world where everything has become polished – stores are immaculate, computer-generated fonts make all written materials look pristine, and photographs are posed and designed for broadcast on social media. These factors have generated unrealistic expectations for perfectionism, and when children can’t live up to the “standards” they have a sense of failure. Share your mistakes with your children or model how you made something special out of something messy. Put their not-so-great art on the refrigerator. Celebrate effort not always the result. Finally, help your child develop resilience. Being able to adapt to the ups and downs of life, learning to self-manage fears, and experiencing failure creates strength. When parents “rescue” their children from failure or fears then children don’t develop healthy coping mechanisms. Then when a similar situation occurs children become overly stressed and then anxious. Children easily develop out-of-control fears, such as sleeping alone in their bed, or speaking to adults, when parents overly accommodate. You can help by talking with your child about the fear, empathize with their feelings, and then provide encouragement in their ability to handle the task at hand. The key is to provide emotional support without enabling. To start, try a few simple changes to see if they help. If you want to customize a plan, a parenting consultation with one of our clinicians might be helpful. You’ve got this!

By: Dr. Kimberly Harrison Parents everywhere are confused about how much screen time is too much.  Technology is a necessary part of life at school and home, thus going completely without electronics is not realistic. But overuse is creating layers of problems for our children and teens, and parents are struggling to find balance. By implementing a few basic strategies, your family can change from out of control to just right. First, determine what a healthy use of free time looks like.  Technology is a required part of many school assignments. Outside of school, however, overuse is rampant. Children should have free time to play each day “live in person” with other children. Physical activity and non-electronic hobbies need to be incorporated into free time. Also, all children benefit from having a few daily chores. Teens need the same, but should incorporate volunteer or paying part-time jobs, too. These activities create balance, resilience, social skills, a healthy work ethic and a sense of community. Electronic use can be added after these factors are in place. Next, house rules need to be clear, in writing, and enforced. While rules can be different for each age and stage, some common ones are helpful in all homes. Best practices include: No electronics at mealtime (yes – Mom and Dad, too!) A standard time to turn in all electronics each evening. Consider whether to allow video games on school nights. Limit electronic usage on the weekend. Traditional alarm clocks should replace cell phone alarms in all bedrooms. Parents are encouraged to learn how to turn smart phones into dumb phones, as needed, by restricting internet access and games through their service provider. Finally, have open conversations with your children and teens about your expectations. When violations occur, consequences need to be swift and consistent. The younger the child, the easier it is to implement these strategies, but it’s never too late to start. If you need assistance turning things around, consult a professional. Remember, you are the parent, and you have been given the responsibility to teach and model healthy living. Children and teens do not have your insight and wisdom. YOU’VE GOT THIS!

By: Patricia R. Hamilton, MS, LMFT & Merrissa Hughes, M.Ed. In the most romantic sense, movement is the most essential element of life. Falling in love, losing a friend, birth, death, forming ideas, starting new habits, gaining and losing weight…. The universe, as well as the human condition, are developmental and dynamic. Life is a process involving continuous movement which requires an ongoing balancing act. This time of year, many set weight loss goals, start up new organizational systems, or vow to begin a healthy habit. However, often these resolutions quickly fall by the wayside. That’s because many times a new habit is created in isolation instead of being integrated into a holistic system of wellness. For lasting change, the mind, body, and spirit cannot be considered in isolation. A key to balancing the ongoing changes of life and having new habits flourish is creating a plan of personal wellness. So often, the adjustments needed for wellness are small. Learning to see life through a different lens, listening with a more empathetic ear, making a space for acceptance and forgiveness, patience with the process, gaining new perspective... These are the quiet, subtle changes that can lead to profound shifts and peace of mind. Ironically, wellness may be illusive because we are charging through life, reacting, exhausted, stressed out, and wildly over-subscribed in our desperate search for balance and personal satisfaction. As a society, we are obsessed with change, convinced that if we are not happy, perfect, and at the top of our game, it is surely evidence of failure, or worse, mediocrity. While it is true that stagnation can lead to dysfunction, perhaps it is our frantic race to nowhere that is truly the culprit and robbing us of our very humanity. If you plan to make some changes this year, consider first assessing your personal “big picture.” Wellness requires honesty, vulnerability, courage, and a willingness to stop and listen to your inner voice. With time and invitation, the mind, body and spirit will move within you, on its own steam, and with perfection. It isn't frantic, it is contemplative. It is mindful and needs rehearsal. Sometimes it helps to have someone partner with you to help unearth your true North, find clarity, self-compassion, and alignment with the world around you. Whether this partner is a professional, a friend or family member, it is important to create a dialogue focused on your personal goals.

By: Dr. Kimberly Harrison We live in a technology-based world, and a certain amount of use is appropriate and even helpful. Most schools have computer-based lessons, and electronic devices must be readily available. Beyond schoolwork, though, there is a gray area involving how much screen time is too much. Considerable research has been conducted over the last 10 years, and most suggests that overall development can be stunted if leisure time solely consists of electronic interaction. Because of this, it is important for parents to monitor amounts of time for television, computer games, general Internet usage and social media. Balance is the key. You can avoid overuse of electronics by requiring a balance of physical activity, social interaction, hobbies and screen time. To figure out what's best for your family, follow this plan to create a balanced leisure diet in the same way you might determine a healthy diet for eating. Start by having a family meeting to discuss expectations for a balanced leisure schedule. Also, outline consequences for non-compliance. Next, determine a menu of leisure activities along with the average percentage of time you want your child or teen to include for each. For example, your menu could contain: physical activity (20 percent), inter- acting (live in person) with siblings or friends (30 percent), non-electronic hobbies (30 percent), and screen time (20 percent). Next, take a look at an average week’s schedule and discuss how much time should be allotted for each leisure activity. For instance, if your children have 2 hours of free time after school, based on the above percentages, they would spend about 25 minutes doing a physical activity, 35 minutes playing with others, 35 minutes on a hobby, and have 25 minutes remaining for screen time. Do the same for weekend usage, but on weekends the percentage needs a cap. Children under the age of 12 generally should have no more than one hour of screen time per day. Teens might earn up to two hours of screen time per day. Develop a plan for monitoring usage. If you need, several services are available to monitor and control access. Finally, make sure the plan is simple and in writing, and have parents and children sign it. This is an important step because it makes the plan a family agreement instead of just nagging.

By: Dr. Trent Everett and Erin Whitney, LPC-S It’s back to school season, and relaxed summer schedules are quickly turning into days filled with early bedtimes, harried morning routines, and homework. In many homes, days start and end with parents pleading children to stay on task. As parents, we expect our children and teens to comply, right away, every time.  ​Sometimes they don’t​. You may have tried warnings, lectures, grounding, threats, yelling, and restricting privileges. Most kids hate this, and for some, those we call “intense,” consequences don’t work! Intense children/teens are more likely to have a greater need for connection, especially with their parents. It can appear to be the opposite when an intense child continues to make poor choices knowing the result. Why would they do this? Some kids seem to prefer negative attention to none at all. For intense kids, everything we do that connects with them, whether positive or negative, feeds the child’s intense need to connect.  To change behavior, it is important to give attention to positive choices. Most parents naturally praise their kids and spend time doing positive activities with them. However, parents tend to talk longer, use more specifics, show more emotion, make more intense eye contact, and even get physically closer to their children when the child/teen has made a negative choice.  These actions say, “I am fully present with you right now.”  On the other hand, when parents praise their children, it often consists of fewer words such as “Good job”, or “Way to go.” These non-specific statements provide a less intense, less present connection than what is often said about poor choices. Try these 3 principles to nurture the behavior you want: Commit to stop giving your energy and connection when things are going wrong.  Instead, giving a short, clear consequence without much talk. Moving on is likely to be more effective, over time, if done in combination with the next two steps. Fully connect with your child/ teen when they are making good choices or moving in a positive direction.  This includes eye contact, a specific description of the positive action, and, most importantly, pointing out the positive character trait they showed by that action. Give specific, clear directions about your expectations and rules, and give a brief consequence every time the direction is not heeded, without the added connection of yelling, lecturing, threatening or arguing. *The above is based on The Nurtured Heart Approach® created by Howie Glasser. Dr. Trent Everett and Ms. Erin Whitney, LPC-S, are clinicians at The Conative Group, PLLC, and are both Advanced Trainers in this approach. To learn more call for an appointment at (713) 993-7030 or visit the website at www.theconativegroup.com