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By: Alana Tristan, MS, LPC-A, Supervised by Roxanne Deams, LPC-S. When it comes to achieving goals or working hard on daily tasks, sometimes thoughts creep up telling us that we are not good enough if we were unable to get much done. It seems as if our “list of to do” is never ending, or that no matter how hard you try, you just cannot succeed. The guilt of always doing something puts you in a constant battle against time; often leading to feeling drained, exhausted, or even anxious. Similar to perfectionism, productivity guilt drives us to high achievement that is linked to self-worth. While being effective in our work can be beneficial, it is important to be mindful of how our pursuit in productivity can have a negative impact. During my tenure in Grad School, I struggled with creating time for myself. I felt like I was playing a never-ending game of ‘catch up’, trying to balance my personal responsibilities with my academic duties. There was always something that needed to be done! I felt guilty the few times I practiced self-care, like spending time with friends or simply resting, thinking about the next item on my to-do list. As I continued to grow and reflect, I realize that although there will always be something that needs to be done, I no longer carry the guilt for doing things that improve my overall health, allow me to rest and recharge, plan better, and bring me joy. If you ever find yourself in the loop of productivity guilt, I encourage you to utilize strategies that will help make your productive route easier to manage. Some strategies to consider include: Set realistic expectations or goals for day. Organize what needs to be done by breaking down your time and rating them into priorities. Focus on the tasks that are of the most importance and have an open mind about the ones that can be moved to the next day. Think about what is achievable for you. Identify the difference between ‘busy’ and ‘productive’. Being busy leads to burnout or lack of focus, especially if you are not properly implementing breaks within your tasks. On the other hand, being productive allows us to work efficiently within the time to produce a better outcome. Recognize progress, not perfection. Remind yourself that everyone progresses differently when you feel guilty for not being where you want to be. It takes time and consistency to develop a skill or accomplish a goal. Focus on smaller action steps that get you closer to your end goal and acknowledge what went well instead of what went wrong. Celebrate every achievement and win along the way! Remember that breaks do not equal laziness. Allow yourself to pause and recharge so you do not lose focus throughout the day. Take a 10-minute break after an hour of work that relaxes your body such as stretching, going outside, or eating a snack. Rather than burning yourself out trying to juggle too much, the solution to kicking productivity to the curb is finding purpose in the tasks you are working on. Be kinder to yourself. You got this! I am rooting for you!

By: Jenna Cook, M.Ed., LPC, NCC Children and teens who are intellectually gifted, artistically, or musically minded, highly verbal, and/or overall unique thinkers are not exempt from emotional illness and injury. In fact, in my experience as a therapist specializing in working with these types of young folks, my sense is that they are prone to extremely intense emotions and challenges. Whether it be difficulty regulating feelings and reactions, pervasive perfectionism, or having a hard time making or maintaining relationships, the struggle is real. Here are five ways in which highly intelligent and/or creative young people struggle: #1: They face intense self-imposed and external pressure to excel. Parents and teachers of bright young people tend to notice and point out their exceptionalities from a young age. A student may be placed in a “gifted” program very early on and be labeled with descriptors like “brilliant,” “genius” and “prodigy.” A standard of greatness becomes solidified and internalized, creating a tendency toward anxiety and perfectionism for the young person. Parents, teachers, and peers, even in wanting the best for the child, may also apply pressure that the young person perceives as too much, though it is usually the student who is usually hardest on him or herself. The cycle of pressure tends to look like this: #2: Their “big” thoughts and topics can drive a wedge between them and their peers. The thoughts swirling around in the highly creative/intelligent young person’s mind can look different from what the average person their age is thinking about. While other children are playing with toys without a worry in the world, our highly creative/intelligent young people are thinking about existence, morality, and deeper meaning. The creative brain can dream up disaster in vivid detail, activating the body’s stress response. This anxiety, which certainly includes social anxiety, can make it difficult to connect. #3: They have different—often great!—ideas, opinions, habits, and methods. Our creative problem-solvers often pride themselves in approaching life in a different way than the majority. This can lead to some conflict, especially between parent and child. A parent may have a very strong idea of how a child should do something, which may look very different from the child’s perspective. Conforming to standardized or others’ ways of doing things creates lots of angst for them, as they often pride themselves on being their own individual person. This can be perceived as oppositional or contrarian and can lead to tension at school, with peers, and at home. #4: They are inadvertently exposed to mature content sooner than their peers. Highly creative/intelligent thinkers thrive on learning and obtaining new knowledge. Their curiosity fuels them, and they often know exactly where to turn to get answers—largely the internet. If a young person’s curiosity is piqued by something, they may search it up, only to not be able to “unsee” what they learned. These types of young folks tend to have an “intellectual age” much higher than their chronological age, making it easy for adults to forget that they are just kids sometimes. Though direct conversations or through overhearing, the young person tends to be in tune with, understand, and internalize content such as marital or financial stress. #5: Difficulties—such as learning disorders or other diagnoses—may fly under the radar because their strengths mask their struggles or vice versa. Children and teens who are outwardly intelligent/creative tend to impress adults, making it difficult to detect an inner challenge. The child’s strengths such as their musicality, amazing art, great grades, or high verbal ability could very well mask something they are struggling with such as anxiety, depression, dyslexia, ASD, or ADHD. Conversely, adults may easily detect a student’s inattention, learning issue, or executive function disruption on the outside without paying much attention to their brain’s unique strengths. “Twice exceptionality” refers to students who are intellectually gifted as well as at least one learning disorder. “Smart” AKA highly intelligent and/or creative kids certainly do face challenges that are worthy of intervention and support. Treatment in the form of psychotherapy and executive functioning coaching can work really well for these children and teens. Types of talk therapy approaches like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) tend to be very effective, as they often have the self-awareness and verbal ability to process and problem-solve. Please reach out to our team at The Conative Group to see if one of our clinicians could be the right fit for your highly intelligent/creative loved one.

By: Katherine Esquivel, MS, LPC-A, Supervised by Roxanne Deams, LPC-S. Here at The Conative Group, diversity is an integral value to our mission of helping people. We understand that it can be comforting having a counselor who has a similar cultural background to you and/or can speak your native language. For the population of Latin America and their descendants, regardless of their preferred language spoken, we use the gender inclusive term Latinx. Latinx peoples are the largest minority group in the U.S., according to the Census Bureau. As counselors, we understand that all clients are unique and take pride in their country of origin. Being bicultural and bilingual, these individuals identify with being influenced and/or raised in both their countries culture of origin and the current culture the individual lives in now. The majority of the Latinx community face a great barrier to seek mental health services, and that is the stigmatization of mental health therapy. In the Latinx community families are brought up being told to not gossip about family or share their personal problems to strangers and that therapy is only for “locos”. The stigma may come from a place of not understanding what therapy truly is, or it may come from a place of denial that something could be “wrong” with them or someone in their family. Therapy helps talk about heavy emotions that we bottle up and carry with us every day that can take a toll on our mental health. Therapy is a place where you can learn to regulate your emotions, challenge unhealthy thinking patterns, and learn new behaviors to improve your quality of life. I believe in the benefits of therapy and have witnessed it change people’s lives for the better. You are not alone in challenging the stigma, never give up in advocating for your community and most importantly in yourself and your mental health journey. How to challenge the Latinx stigma surrounding mental health: Talking openly about mental health with family and friends Educating oneself and others about the benefits of mental health Your counselor is a great source of information and advice in this regard Sharing the idea that poor physical and poor mental health are equally as important Being aware of language that may be stigmatizing, such as the terms “locos” Showing compassion to people with mental health conditions

By: Kristine Habibi, MS, LPC-A, Supervised by Thomas O. Whitehead, LPC-S. One of the first questions I ask families at intake sessions is “how much intentional time do you spend with your child weekly?" Often, parents initially reply that they spend hours with their kids each day. However, when I define intentional time as undivided attention focused solely on their child, the answer changes drastically. The average answer is shocking. The standard American family spends only 37 minutes of intentional time together each day, according to Visit Anaheim’s Jay Burress. From video games, to YouTube, to Tik Tok, to handheld devices, most of our children have more direct interaction with technology than with parents. The average amount of time even young children spend with handheld devices each day is shocking. According to the NPR article, Young Children Are Spending Much More Time In Front Of Small Screens, usage for our youngest children has gone from about five minutes a day in 2011, to 15 minutes a day in 2013, to 48 minutes a day in 2017. Just imagine how much higher that number probably is since the onset of the pandemic. Data on usage by older children is equally alarming. The amount of time spent is spiraling out of control, but also of concern is the unsupervised content which children have access to. Even with parental controls on devices, parents still have limited control in regards to content. There are hidden emotional messages such as disproportionate rage or sadness, overt connections to inappropriate material, and many other content-related issues which can be detrimental to our children. While keeping your child entertained with technology may seem easy, and is even a norm today, it may lead to negative long-term effects on your child’s development. Sometimes it may seem easier to show children love through tangible items, but what children really need and want is your undivided attention. When children’s basic connections with family are underdeveloped or neglected, they are much more likely to act out, seek negative attention, experience social adjustment issues and mental health problems. Down the road, lack of strong family connections can even lead to individuals seeking unhealthy romantic relationships, developing low self-esteem, and other more serious issues. There is no substitute for the undivided attention that only you can offer to your child. So where do you find the time? Most families do not have chunks of free time throughout the work week. Good news! Spending intentional time for undivided attention does not have to be time consuming – just make it part of your daily routines. With this in mind, below are some tips for spending intentional time with your children: Cook and eat with your children as often as possible. Turn off all technology if possible, (especially cell phones), and intentionally listen to your child at specific times throughout the day. This is especially important at meal time. Incorporate multiple ways to say and show “I love you” each day. Create a daily tradition of uninterrupted time, such as reading to your child for 15 minutes before bed each night or talking about their day right after school. Allow your child to choose an activity that you can both partake in. This can be something that has to be done anyway, such as going to the grocery store or cooking dinner. Ask open-ended questions and listen with an open mind. Be the therapist at home and focus on how your child feels, not just what they do.

By: Alana Tristan, MS, LPC-A, Supervised by Roxanne Deams, LPC-S. It’s that time for yearly resolutions! You already may have chosen to hit the gym, change your diet, or become more organized. Setting goals is a great way to stay motivated and make positive changes. However, sometimes staying on track with these new goals can be difficult. If you have tried and failed to stick to those new year’s resolutions from the past, maybe this is the year to set a goal to make them stick! First, it is essential to set realistic expectations. Do that by choosing something you truly want to commit to. Then create a timeline which breaks down the goal into manageable steps. Focusing on small steps can prevent you from feeling overwhelmed and then giving up too soon. Recently, my cousin asked me what my goals were for this new year and it got me thinking…What are my needs? What do I need to implement that would provide benefit not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well? Hmmmm. I realized that setting goals for my life is like a making a recipe. As a therapist, I assist clients with the process of managing their internal ‘ingredients’ in order to produce a positive external result. The most important ingredient is mental heath. Taking care of our mental health ingredients is one of the best ways to be more successful with daily responsibilities and achieve new goals. Of course, ingredients for mental health are different for everyone, but laying a basic foundation is a good start. Here are a few mental health ingredients you might want to improve and incorporate this year: Invest in yourself: allow opportunities of growth; develop your skillsets; etc. Learn to better identify and process emotions: This is the first step in making sense of what our body is trying to communicate. Our emotions will not leave until they feel heard. Value the Basics: sleep, hydration, exercise, and nutrition. Build a community: identify your pillars of support; network; and connect with purpose. Increase activities that bring joy and fulfillment: hobbies, volunteering, etc. Everyone’s needs and timelines are different. To stay motivated, don’t forget to regularly reflect on your accomplishments, no matter how small. Every step is important. Every ingredient counts! Then think about what you want to change or implement next, staying aware of the emotional ingredients you need to make the step successful. It is never too late to begin, and if you get off-track it’s OK to try again. All you need are a few ingredients and you will soon have a recipe for success.

By: Patricia R. Hamilton, MS, LMFT “If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” ― Lao Tzu The past is over. It cannot be changed or amended. Even the morning is lost and cannot be retrieved. We can’t predict tomorrow, next week, next year, or many years from now with today’s information. With so many variables unknown, we can only worry with limited, faulty information and perspective. However, in the moment, in the here and now, we are acute. We can hear, see, think and feel based on current, relevant information. In real time, everything is fluid. We can assess, take action, and affect change. The only true reality is right now. The antidote to stress, anxiety, depression and fear is action. Action is only available in present time. Stay present. Live in the moment and live for the moment. Living fully each day, you are always ready.

By: Kristine Habibi, MS, LPC-A. Supervised by Thomas O. Whitehead, MA, LPC-S. December is here, and for some of us so are the Winter Blues. Though the holidays are often regarded as a cheery, warm, love-filled, and even “magical” time of year, a significant percent of the population struggles. Do you find yourself feeling a bit more down during the winter months than in the summer? Do you experience a lack of appetite or difficulty falling asleep? Do you find yourself feeling more drained or less motivated than usual? If so, you may struggle with the Winter Blues. This low mood often is related to a type of depression called Seasonal Affective Disorder which is triggered by changes in the weather. During the winter months, we experience far less sunlight than usual, as the sun sets a few hours earlier than in the summer. Because of this, our body’s 24-hour clock is thrown off, causing some people to feel exhausted hours before their typical bedtime. We cannot change the time that the sun sets, but there are several things that we can do to combat the Winter Blues. If you find yourself experiencing a change in mood this winter try: Regular exercise. Increasing exercise will make your body more tired, help you fall asleep more easily at night, and feel more energized during sunlight hours. Spend at least an hour a day in the sun. Making sure that you spend time in the sun is likely to brighten your mood. You do not need to be in direct sunlight, but sitting on a porch or going for a walk may be helpful. Spend time with loved ones. Go out of your way to make the first move in making social plans. Focus on your connection to your spirituality. Practice mindful meditation or journaling about what you are thankful for each day. Practice regular self-care (spiritually, emotionally, physically, vocationally, and socially). Do not neglect your physical or mental health. Practice self-compassion and positive self-talk. Remind yourself that seasons are temporary and each one has special gifts to offer. Follow a routine. Keep up with tasks such as making your bed, doing a skincare routine, brushing your teeth, going to the gym at the same time every day, or going to sleep at a certain time. The Winter Blues are real, but so is your strength. Keep these tips in mind this winter season, and always feel free to reach out to a therapist if you need further help.

By: Jenna Cook, M.Ed., LPC, NCC Pre-pandemic, teens’ in-person peer interactions were already on the decline. Their social lives and connectivity with their friends were centered around group texts, video calls, and social media. Most teenagers—especially introverted teens—were not phased at all by pandemic protocols. In fact, some completely thrived with the time at home alone or ways of connecting with friends online on their own terms. Teens’ already-atrophying social comfort zones have now shrunk down even more—making interactions like ordering at a restaurant, leaving a voicemail, or talking with a teacher extra anxiety-inducing. If it were left up to them, teens may choose to NOT interact in-person, as they likely view it is unnecessary or uncomfortable. We must help them determine for themselves that connecting in-person is important and can be purposeful and successful. Thankfully, there are ways we can help them become more comfortable and confident by providing opportunities to stretch and strengthen their social muscles again. Groups in general, such as sports teams, clubs, hobby groups, etc. – those that have a set purpose, goal, or designated activity -- can help mitigate some of the anxiety and uncertainty associated with social interaction “in the wild,” as I call it. For many teens, socialization that takes place out in the world is unscheduled, organic, and rule-free and, therefore, anxiety-inducing. With that in mind, group therapy might be helpful for some teens as it provides a setting for re-entering the social world that it is designed to facilitate conversation, individual and communal reflection and processing, and connection in a controlled, incremental way. Group therapy can be an incredibly powerful tool and supportive resource for teens for several reasons: It encourages teens out of their comfort zones and into their “stretch zones.” The graphic above depicts our comfort, stretch, and panic zones. Group therapy requires some appropriately challenging but do-able opportunities for group members to practice social skills. Over time, the more we do something that was originally difficult, the stronger and more confident we become. Group therapy provides a respectful, empowering nudge out of the comfort zone and into the stretch zone. If a panic zone moment occurs, the group facilitator is trained to assist. It provides evidence that in-person interaction is possible, meaningful, and fun. Group therapy can provide teens the opportunity to learn or be reminded that in-person social connection is worth it. Of course, it will require them to face some discomfort and knock some rust off, but the goal is for them to be able to see the return on their investment—that they can feel successful, supported, and can have fun connecting with their peers “the old fashioned way.” It teaches and helps them practice necessary social skills that—despite being in an online-centric world—will likely not go away any time soon or maybe even in their lifetime. In a world where we don’t have to exit our cars to pick up grocery orders or speak to a human to place an online food order, teens are sort of correct when they think that in-person human interaction is “pointless.” It is likely that society is heading in the direction of less and less in-person interaction. However, certain social obligations are likely sticking around for a while, such as those needed for traveling, meeting teachers, having a roommate, job interviews, professional connections, and presentations, etc. It demonstrates what it means to connect without anonymity, curation, and filters. Group members and facilitators agree to uphold confidentiality and protect privacy, encouraging members to explore what it feels like to show up as their authentic self. While teens can explore their identity with privacy, there is not the same type of anonymity that exists online. Group members get the opportunity to show their faces, make fashion choices, use the name that feels right to them, and “try on” different ways of interacting in an unfiltered way. The teenage years have historically been and will continue to be a treacherous, emotional, and monumental chapter—for the young person and for their families. It is important that teens have a safe space: their parent or extended family member, a teacher, a coach, a therapist, etc. who meets them where they are. Group therapy is just one of the options for supporting teens as they navigate some tough stuff. If you are the loved one of a teen who might benefit from group therapy, do an online search to see what exists near you. Sites like MentalHealthMatch and PsychologyToday can help you locate groups. At The Conative Group, our team offers several groups for teens, as well as for children, young adults, and parents. The groups I personally facilitate for middle and high schoolers—called The Guild—focus on helping bright, yet socially “struggle-y” young folks gain confidence and explore what it means to be themselves. To learn more about the groups we offer, please visit https://www.theconativegroup.com/services-grouptherapy.

By: Dr. Kimberly Harrison What was that noise? I was sitting alone having breakfast at one of my favorite restaurants the other day and was startled. At the table across from me, two elementary-age boys were having a meal with a woman who appeared to be their grandmother – and they were having a conversation. A real conversation! There were no devices on the table. They talked about origins of menu items, then the related geography, then some of the politics from each region. The grandmother spoke to them as intellectual equals while answering their questions and sharing information. I’m not in the habit of eavesdropping, but I must admit I did that day. I was captivated. It’s been too long since I’ve seen children at a restaurant table without a device. And it was a joy to hear how engaged all three of them were. Honestly, I had tears in my eyes. I started thinking about what I wanted most to share with families this holiday season, and, as it turns out, it is what that family shared – the gift of conversation. Parents, it’s time to stop letting devices babysit our children. Don’t get me wrong, I love technology and rely on it throughout the day. But there is a time and place to be unplugged. Devices are no substitute for talking, laughing, and sharing life “live in person” with each other. Especially our children. If you don’t share your ideas, intellect, and emotional support with your children on a daily basis, then they will get what they need elsewhere. And that often is disastrous. Texas Children’s Hospital recently reported emergency room visits for mental health crises in children and teens are up 800%. Yes, you saw that correctly – eight hundred percent! Our children need US, not the Internet or their peers to help them build a foundation of stability. Are you are stuck in the quagmire of device overload for your children? Have you have gotten into the habit of allowing devices at the dinner table or in the car, and want to make a change but don’t know how? Here are five simple steps to make a change. Make up your mind. You may be “the unpopular parent” temporarily, but it’s not a contest. YOU are the parent and you have the vision of what you’d like for your children – popularity is not part of the deal. Have a conversation with your children and tell them what you expect and how you will be making changes. Be very specific. For example, you might say something like, “We will all turn off/check-in our devices for at least 30 minutes at dinner, or when we go out to a restaurant.” Make sure you do not have your own devices on during the “conversation time” so that you can be a role model. Nothing ruins this plan more quickly than a parent who is scrolling on their cell phone when children are required to be device-free. Have a plan for conversation starters, which might be needed in the beginning. Be firm and implement the plan. Stick to your plan. Remember, it takes 4 -6 weeks to develop a habit, and consistency over time is critical to turn the tide. Parents, it’s time to take back our roles as primary influencers of our children. Since when did teenage internet “influencers” and video game buddies know more about what our children need than us? We have let the pendulum swing too far, and it’s time to adjust. You can do it! It starts with a conversation.

By: Alana Tristan, MS, LPC-A, Supervised by Roxanne Deams, LPC-S. Have you ever felt exhausted beyond belief? Too overwhelmed with emotion that almost everything seems to sting? Being so close to the finish line of a goal but feeling as if you must do front-strokes on the floor to get there? Well, that my friends, is the sound of Burnout creeping up. You know, the reaction to prolonged stress we all attempted to avoid. Herbert Freudenberger, who first coined the term in 1974, defined it as, “the extinction of motivation or incentive, especially where one’s devotion to a cause or relationship fails to produce desired results.” Burnout can show up emotionally, mentally, and even physically in different areas of our life such as work, school, and/or relationships. It can stem from things like depression, imposter syndrome, and other forms of anxiety. Being overwhelmed can take a toll on our bodies. Let’s imagine trying to pick up bags from baggage claim at the airport…we can grab one, two, maybe three. We tell ourselves, “Okay, I got this!” but more bags keep coming. Yikes! We simply cannot grab all bags that come out at once. It would physically drain us trying to keep up. Next thing you know, we are burnt out. Sometimes self-care can feel like aftercare; and that is okay too. It is important to prevent signs of burnout or identify symptoms early on before the flame is fully out. Listen to the signs our body is trying to communicate. Here are some symptoms of Burnout: Unexplained exhaustion Feeling negative, irritable, or numb to situations Change in sleep patterns (e.g., insomnia) Anxiety Lack of motivation and/or task completion Neglecting self-care Seem familiar? I sure have been down this road before. However, there are things we can do to either prevent burnout or help us spark our fire back. Helpful Tips: Get enough sleep: I know, I know…easier said than done sometimes, but routine sleep schedules and/or naps are good for our bodies. Identify the source of your stress: can help us know where to set boundaries. Set boundaries: with yourself, work, and/or others. Stay hydrated: H2O for the win! Practices/Rituals: meditation, journaling, mindfulness, exercise…you name it! Unplug/Disconnect: take a break; plan a vacation or staycation out of the environment that is stressing you. Prioritize your needs: do something you enjoy! It takes strength to carry out our daily activities, but we cannot underestimate the strength it takes to acknowledge when things become too heavy to bear. It is okay to put the bags down, rest for a bit, and get your fire back!