Making Friends as an Adult

By: Jack Wang, LPC-A

Gone are the days where all your friends were conveniently located at the school you went to every weekday!

Gone are the days where school can also be used to meet new people and make friends. Now, what do we do in our busy adult lives? Especially if you don’t want to be close friends with the people at your workplace. What do we do if we want to make new friends as an adult?

Firstly, we must be resourceful here. Are there old friends that you would like to reconnect with? Perhaps that old friend is also afraid to reach out to you as well and will be delighted to see you make the first move! The above is probably the ideal scenario, but people often feel afraid to reach out to old friends because they fear rejection. Fear of rejection can prevent us from rekindling worthwhile relationships with old friends. If you find yourself nervous to reach out to a friend, then ask yourself, “what’s the worst thing that can happen if they ignore or say no to you asking if they’d like to catch up sometime?” Think about what would most likely happen, and then assess whether you would be okay with that outcome.

Secondly, let’s ask ourselves, “What do you want out of your social life?” Would having a few close friends be enough? Maybe having a group of friends with a common interest is something that is important to you. Or maybe you feel like you have too many online friends and you want to have someone you can hang out with in real life? Whatever the case is, your answer here will help you focus and be intentional with how you make friends. Next, we will outline the ingredients for making friends.

Recipe For Making Friends

1. Common interest/similarity

   1. This could mean having the same job, hobby, or could even mean simply having similar values.
      

   2. Do you have rare interests that makes it unlikely for someone to have the same interest? Or is one of the issues is that you feel like you don’t have an interest?
      

      1. What you decide to change and not change about yourself is ultimately up to you, but more common interests will serve to considerably increase your chances of finding people with the same interest and thus, increase your chances in making friends.
         

2. Repeated and consistent time together

   1. School, the workplace, and similar places act as birthing place of friendships because it provides the opportunity for friendships to develop and blossom.
      

   2. What are places that you would use to achieve the same thing? Online social hubs like “Discord?” Weekly meetups or clubs? A great thing about this is that you can customize the social places you go to depending on your interests. For example, if I am into hiking, then I might join a hiking group that meets weekly.
      

3. Chemistry/Compatibility

   1. None of the above matter if you both do not get along with each other.
      

   2. Here are self-reflective questions that will help you figure out whether you have good compatibility with someone.

      1. Do I like how I feel around them?
         

      2. Is it easy to be around them?
         

      3. Do you both have similar values?
         

   3. Compatibility can be complicated and if you are hung up on a negative quality another person has, then ask yourself, “Can I look past that quality of theirs to stay friends with them?”

That’s all the tips I have for you! Good luck out there, loneliness is not to be taken lightly!